Nothing Else Matters
by bourbonstreet
Summary: AU/AH - Elena Gilbert has had a messy childhood but the start of College opens an opportunity to escape it all. That is, until she is landed with roommates who enjoy to party a little too much. But when she meets a certain blue eyed stranger, can he change her mind and give her a reason to actually enjoy life or will he cause it all to fall apart again? TW: Sex/Drugs/Abuse/Rape
1. Lonely One

**A/N: Hi! So it's been a hot second since I've actually written anything that I've wanted to post but after falling down a TVD re-watch rabbit hole, this happened. It's very different to what I've done in the past but I'm enjoying it so far. Please tell me what you think!**

 **1: Lonely One**

The low morning sun glared menacingly through the curtain-less bedroom window of Elena Gilbert, illuminating the bare walls of her dorm room. She had been so eager to move away to college, to start a fresh life away from everyone who knew her and her daunting past, but the callous reality did not live anywhere up to the dream. New York City was horrifyingly expensive and she had to share an apartment with two invasive strangers, just to (barely) afford the rent. It wasn't the worst though. Yes, her space needed some personal touches to make it her own, but her room was a half decent size. I had squeezed a double bed, a wardrobe and a dresser/come desk/come any kind of crap storage and there was no damp. After living in her fair share of foster homes and various other housing situations, this was a win. She was fully expecting to land herself in a total shit heap with what she could actually afford with the financial aid she received but this wasn't that.

The dull pounding in her head was what brought her out of her slumber. She groaned rolled over, burrowing her face back into her pillow but there was no chance she was going to go back to sleep. She really needed to get herself a blind to cover that window. Or a sheet. Even a piece of cardboard would do, to be honest. Her headache was more than likely the result of drinking the entirety of a bottle of cheap red wine last night on an empty stomach. After a good fifteen minutes of plucking up the courage, she swung her legs out of bed and sat up. Okay, big mistake...Hello there spinning room. After further deliberation, she finally managed to wrap her robe around herself, slip her slippers onto her feet and stumble out of her room.

She ventured into the kitchen in search of water, glad to find the place silent. She couldn't face interacting with another human just yet. Grabbing a clean glass from the draining board, she filled it with water and downed it in one, desperate to get rid of this red wine hangover. Catching sight of leftover Chinese takeout all over the kitchen counter in various open containers made her stomach turn at the mere sight of it. Rebekah she presumed.

Rebekah Mikaelson was one of her two housemates. Messy, Lazy and an all-round nightmare. And with Rebekah came her boyfriend Matt. She knew his name was Matt because of the things she had heard through her bedroom wall. Things she _really_ didn't want to hear. He was always here, definitely didn't contribute to anything and enjoyed taking long, expensive showers, whenever Elena needed to use the bathroom it seemed. And to top it off, it always smelled of weed when you passed their room. Sometimes it even crept into her room. Smoking definitely wasn't allowed in the house. Especially _that_.

Elena poured another glass of water from the tap and drank it along with two paracetamol tablets before returning to her room. She sat herself on her bed, still firmly wrapped in her robe and pulled out her laptop from under her bed. Yesterday she had planned to complete her assignment that was due the following Monday, however her housemates had other plans, deciding to throw a rager of a party. Her own hangover hadn't been the result of the party, however. More like drinking in her room, alone. Sad but true, she mused.

She opened the document for her Creative Writing class, staring at the almost blank page. Her assignment was to write about a significant event in her life. It seemed so simple but for someone like Elena Gilbert, it was so far from that. At eighteen, Elena had experienced more in life that some people in their mid-thirties. And she really didn't want to open that door that she firmly locked when she left Chicago.

She picked up her phone, toying with it in her hands before selecting a contact and pressing call.

"Elena, hey!" The girl on the other end of the line exclaimed.

Bonnie Bennet was her best and only friend. The raven eyed, caramel skinned girl had been her saviour when she transferred to yet another school on a long string of schools; too many to even count on both hands. The two had hit it off almost straight away and she had eventually opened up to Bonnie about things she hadn't even told to a therapist.

"Bon Bon!" Elena replied. "How are you? I miss you!"

"I miss you too! I'm at my Grams right now. She's been droning on about the healing properties of herbal medicine for the last hour but I'm good." Elena giggled, practically hearing the other girl roll her eyes. "How is the Big Apple?"

"Great!" She replied, trying her best to sound enthusiastic. I mean, it _was_ great, she was just a bit lonely. "But classes are kicking my butt. I've got an assignment due tomorrow and I've barely made a dent."

Bonnie laughed. "What do you have to do for it?"

"Write about something significant that's happened in my life…" Elena trailed off.

"And you don't know what to write about?"

"Well, unless I want my professor to slit his wrists…" She answered narcissistically before changing her tone. "I'm kidding. But seriously, _what_ do I write?"

"I don't know, me?" Bonnie suggested in a joking tone, grinning.

"Oh ha-ha. Very funny Bon."

The two continued talking on the phone and catching up. Elena had only moved to New York two weeks ago but still the two had plenty to talk about. When they eventually hung up, something to do with Bonnie's Grams and some gardening emergency, Elena sighed and threw her head back against the wall, letting out a deep sigh, the blinking of the text cursor taunting her.

And an idea hit her. _Bonnie._ She would write about Bonnie. Yes, her friend was joking but she could actually write about Bonnie and the significance of friendship in her life. She began tapping away on the keyboard, forgetting about drafting an outline and dove straight in. There was hardly time for that anyway, with the deadline looming above her head. I mean, it was hardly a good idea if she was to fail her first assignment after all.

A couple hours passed and Elena had actually managed to throw out something half decent. Deciding to take a break and read over it later, she closed the lid of her laptop and climbed off her bed, grabbing a towel, deciding a shower would be a good idea. It was almost four in the afternoon after all.

She stood under the steady flow of water, letting it wash over her. She shampooed through her long chestnut tresses and rinsed it out until the soapy water ran clear, contemplating what to do with the rest of her day. Food was probably a good idea, she pondered. The majority of her hangover had now subsided and she was getting pretty hungry. As if on cue, her stomach growled so the brunette turned off the water and reached for her towel, drying herself off before wrapping her hair up in a towel turban, slipping her robe on and exiting the bathroom to return to her room.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, her body collided into the chest of none other than that of Matt Donovan. She looked up, noticing his eyes red drooped. Of course he was high.

"Sorry, uh…can I get to my room please?" She mumbled, trying to manoeuvre round his broad frame. She watched as his eyed wandered down her body, smirking to himself and suddenly she felt very self-conscious, pulling her robe tighter around her slender frame.

"We're having another party tonight, you should maybe join us this time." Matt suggested, still watching her.

Elena shook her head. "Uhm, no thanks." How had she ended up in a party house, seriously?!

"Oh come on Lena, it'll be fun. No need to be boring, this is what College is about!" He pleaded.

"I said no." She replied sternly, entering her bedroom firmly closing the door behind, clicking the lock shut. Once inside, she threw herself onto her bed and let out a groan. Another party, fucking _yay._

Around 10pm, she could her a pulsing beat from down the hall and choruses of chatter as people tried to make themselves heard over the deafening music. She let out a deep breath. There was absolutely zero chance of her getting to sleep right now, no thanks to the party animals that overran her apartment. She glanced at her closet, debating the idea of just biting the bullet and joining them. After all, what else was she going to do until everyone had either left or passed out somewhere?

She opted on dressing herself in a pair of faded blue skinny jeans, a black tank top tucked into them and a simple belt around her waist. She left her hair in its natural wave having dried that way after her earlier shower and applied minimal makeup; some mascara, brow gel and lip balm. Taking a deep breath, she gave her appearance a once over and exited the safe confines of her room. Now outside, the music was even louder. She navigated herself through the groups of drunk college kids and proceeded to the kitchen to get herself a drink. Once she had a drink in hand, she gazed over the room. Their place was hardly huge but there were somehow probably over fifty people in their apartment. There were groups standing around chatting and drinking, grinding on a makeshift dancefloor and smoking god knows what.

It was then that she saw Rebekah making her way over to Elena in the kitchen.

"Who's idea was this?" She questioned, gesturing to the scene in front of her.

"Jeez, lighten up Elena, it's a party." The blonde answered, her British accent coming through thick.

"Some of us have class in the morning." The brunette growled, walking off.

"No need to be such an up-tight bitch!" Rebekah called after her, refilling her own drink.

Elena ignored her, not having the energy to have an argument with her. In the short two weeks since they had met, they had already had a number of indifferences regarding drugs, parties and mess, just to name a few. Maybe she could speak to someone tomorrow and see if she could be moved into another apartment, preferably one that didn't like to party into the early hours of the next morning.

Several drinks later, it was safe to say she was a little buzzed. She had been chatting to a girl in one of her classes and had been knocking back more drinks than she could recall, anything to make this party bearable. It was then that someone pushed into her, sending her flying, but instead of hitting the floor as she was expecting, someone caught her. She looked at the guy as he placed her back onto her feet, quickly aware the strong pair of arms that were wrapped around her waist.

"Easy there…here, let me get you another drink. And a cloth."

Elena just stood there as he took her empty cup from her and observed the contents now spilled down the front of her jeans, following him into the kitchen. Now in better light, she could see her perpetrator fully. He had raven dark hair, styled messily on the top of his head and wore a tight black t-shirt showing off the extensive tattoos on his arms. Where _else_ did he have tattoos, she mused, immediately snapping herself out of that thought thereafter.

"So, I haven't seen you at a party before." He stated, producing a bottle of Bourbon and pouring them both a glass. Elena accepted the drink, taking a sip and grimacing at the taste as it burned its way down her throat. He chuckled at her expression. "It's an acquired taste, you get used to it."

Elena nodded, letting the burning subside. "I don't really do parties."

"Why not? It's fun and you're gorgeous." He smirked and that's when she noticed his eyes. They were a bright piercing shade of blue. Almost hypnotising.

She realised she should probably get out of there and at least attempt to get some sleep. "I'm flattered, but I should really go…" She turned to leave but he grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him.

"At least stay for another drink. I didn't even catch your name." He begged, refilling her cup.

Elena sighed. How could she say no to those eyes, even though she was positive he had an ulterior motive? "Sure. And I'm Elena."

"Damon." He replied, handing her a second glass of Bourbon with a smile. She took a drink, her mouth almost numbed by the liquor now, sure she was going to regret this by the morning.

 **I'm sure we all want to know what Damon is up to there! Chapter two should follow soon.**

 **Please review and tell me what you think. Suggestions are very welcome!**

 **-P x**


	2. Numb

**A/N: Hey! Thank you so, so much for the reviews on the first chapter, it means so much! Here's the next chapter, as promised! I hope you enjoy!**

 **TW: Rape and mentions of drugs, please don't read if you are triggered by those subjects.**

 **2: Numb**

Elena Gilbert was drunk. And it was safe to say the alcohol was definitely clouding her better judgement. _Somehow_ she had made her way into the dance floor with her blue-eyed stranger and was letting him grind on her. And she didn't want to admit it but she was actually kind of enjoying it. The feel of his hands on her hips as he held her close, moving to the beat and her back pressed firmly against his hard chest. She closed her eyes and let the music take her, actually letting go for the first time in longer than she could remember. But she didn't like to lose control, because she knew once she had lost it, it was near impossible to get back. And right here, right now she was slowly slipping further and further away.

But when Elena felt Damon's hot breath against her ear, she just sank into his embrace, throwing her head back revelling in the hot sensation he sent soaring through her body, her heart rate quickening by the second.

Then with the very last bit of determination left within her, she broke free, pushing the raven haired man away and clambering towards the balcony in search of air. Once outside, she gripped against the railing, breathing heavily, her knuckles turning white. The city lights were bright and the air crisp, but the more she looked, the more the lights blurred. She desperately tried to gain focus, but it was no use. She was wasted and it definitely had something to do with the blue eyed man that had come to stand behind her.

"I just needed some air." The brunette murmured, feeling Damon's hands on her hips. Her breath hitched in her throat and she turned around in his grip.

Elena stood between his legs, relying entirely on him to keep her balance. She looked into his eyes, her breathing only growing more rapid. His eyes looked dark as he gazed down at her as she wet her lips. She bit her lip, his scent filling her nose, rich and musky. Every nerve in her being was screaming at her to run, to return to the safe confines of her room, those four walls that were entirely her own, lock the door and not come back out. But she didn't. She _couldn't._ She was frozen to this very spot in the grips of this very gorgeous stranger who was doing things to her that she couldn't explain.

"Stop looking at me like that..." She eventually spoke, slightly uncomfortable with the situation and far too drunk. She didn't to do anything she would regret and with this amount of alcohol in her system, and the odds of doing so were very high if he didn't remove his hands from her very soon.

He smirked at her, his darkened eyes staring soulfully into hers. "Like what?" He asked almost too innocently. He brought his face closer to hers until their lips were only millimetres apart, their breath mingling between them. "How am I looking at you, Elena?" His voice was deeper, huskier, as her name rolled off his tongue, their lips almost brushing as he did so.

"You know what you're doing." She mumbled, feeling his breath against her lips. This whole situation was _so wrong._ This wasn't her at all. Not anymore, anyway. But Damon was directly in front of her, pressed against her body and everything else but the two of them seemed to disperse into nothing.

His signature smirk, that she had become accustomed to over the course of the evening was in place as his voice dropped to a husky murmur, "Yeah?" His breath fanned over her face as he spoke and he resisted the urge to wet his lips. His hands were still on her waist, holding her upright and prisoner, his legs encasing her in his hold. Damon wanted nothing more than to lean in those last few millimetres and kiss her.

She bit her lip. Her heart was beating double time and her breaths were heavy and uneven. She couldn't think straight with the alcohol in her system and everything was happening too fast. She parted her lips a little, still not moving from his firm grip. "Damon..." she mumbled before he placed his lips on hers.

Damon's hands moved, circling Elena's waist as he brought her flush against him, his mouth claiming hers as he kissed her softly, his lips moving against hers. His brain was alcohol filled; he too had drank more than his fill tonight and his every thought was on this gorgeous brunette and her soft as satin lips against his. He smoothly deepened the kiss until he felt as though he was drowning in her.

She leaned into his frame, her arms wrapped around his neck and her hands feeding into his hair. His lips felt so soft against hers, she forgot about what she was doing. She felt his tongue run across her lip and parted them a little, tasting whiskey and smoke as his tongue massaged against her own. Damon pulled her closer, her body arching toward him as he continued to kiss her, running his fingers up her sides until she pulled away very suddenly.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his brow creasing as he looked into her eyes, trying to claim her lips once more. She pulled away, taking a few steps away from him, unsteady on her feet.

"I'm sorry.." She whispered, avoiding his gaze and fleeing from the balcony. She ran, her head spinning, from the kiss and the drink and found herself in the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Now she was alone, she broke. Tears ran down her cheeks in gut wrenching sobs as she slid down the door onto the floor, hugging her knees tightly as her body trembled. She tried desperately to grasp control of herself but she was too far gone. Everything that she had kept tightly bottled up for so long was now spilling out everywhere and she didn't know what to do to stop it.

Suddenly the alcohol decided not to agree with her and she found herself scrambling towards the toilet, heaving, followed by throwing up everything she had drank. Thick tears flowed down her cheeks, leaving black mascara stains.

A knock on the door startled her before the door clicked open. Damon appeared, observing the sight before him; the brunette he had been kissing moments earlier was now hunched over the toilet bowl, a sobbing mess. He scratched his head awkwardly, debating on whether he should just leave her be, but something within him told him he just couldn't. He sighed and reached down and scooped her up, attempting to steady her on her feet, but to no avail, allowing her to lean her full body weight on him.

"Come on, let's get you home." He sighed, leading her out of the bathroom. "Where do you live?" He asked, dreading the task of getting a drunk girl that could hardly walk, home.

"There." She slurred, lifting her hand sluggishly and pointing to her room.

"Ah, convenient." He mused, more to himself. He pushed open the door to her room and lifted her body onto her bed, followed by her feet, carefully removing her shoes. "I'm going to get you some water, I'll be back in a moment." And he left, letting the door click shut behind him.

Elena slowly undid her belt and wiggled out of her jeans, a task that was much more difficult than usual when you were drunk and laying down but she eventually managed, just as Damon returned with a glass of water. She was aware that she was only in her tank top and underwear but she didn't seem to care, her lashes still wet with tears. She curled into a ball, feeling awful. Her body was overcome with tiredness and she didn't want to be drunk anymore. Suddenly drinking didn't seem like such a good idea after all. Damon placed the glass of water down on her night stand and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to work out when his night of partying had turned into this; looking after a drunk crying girl. He frowned, tucking her up in bed.

"Are you going to be okay now?" He asked, brushing her hair back soothingly.

She cracked her eyes open, looking up at him gazing down on her. "Can you stay with me please?" She managed to mumble, lifting her head slightly. "I still feel sick..." If she felt this close to death now, god knows how she would be in the morning.

She felt the bed shift as Damon sat on it and brushed a few hairs out of her face. Her eyes were heavy as she tried to drift off to sleep, desperately willing the room to stop spinning.

Damon lifted his legs onto the bed, laying back on top of the covers fully clothed. This was _so_ not him, so why the hell was he compelled to stay with the brunette he had spent the most of the night with? Well, he had actually had fun for once. Until the whole throwing up incident, anyway. Usually his nights would consist of finding the hottest girl in the room, dancing with her all night and taking her home at the end of the night and well, that had been his _plan_ tonight too. But there was something about this girl that intrigued him.

Eventually Elena's breathing steadied out in a rhythmic pattern as she drifted off to sleep and Damon stayed, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest as the bright city lights shone through the window, highlighting the delicate features of her face as he gently stroked her hair.

 _Elena's eyes shot open, but suddenly she wasn't in her dorm room anymore. Her eyes gazed across the room that had once been all too familiar to her. Her bed, where she was laying, was squeezed into the corner of her tiny box room, the walls lay bare, fading green paint peeling off the walls. The dull thudding beat of music could be heard in the distance. She felt awful, her eyes red and sore from crying and her head spinning from everything she had taken that night. Pills, cocaine and god knows what else. Her body felt numb but she was wide awake._

 _Suddenly the door opened and a figure stood looming in the doorway._

" _There you are, El." A gruff voice spoke. "I missed you earlier." He sneered._

 _The figure stepped towards her, sitting on the bed, causing the whole thing to creak. Elena froze, her whole body turning rigid as he ran his fingers down her cheek, stopping on her bottom lip._

" _Not going to speak to me, huh? I see how it is. I thought you might like my company now Ben is gone."_

 _She shook at his words but then he stood up and Elena let out a breath realising he was about to leave._

 _But he didn't._

 _He stayed._

 _He undid his belt._

 _He unzipped his fly and pulled her sheet away, ripping her underwear down and climbed on top of her._

 _She tried with all her might to push him away but he was too strong for her small feeble frame._

" _I've always wanted to fuck you." He spoke menacingly. "And now, you're mine."_

 _Grabbing her wrists and pinning her arms down beside her so she couldn't escape, he whispered into her ear. "Don't you bother to scream. No one will hear you. It's all just a bit of fun. Don't you like to have fun, El?"_

 _And he forced himself into her._

 _Elena didn't scream. She didn't cry, she just lay there, willing it to be over. She didn't even cry when he gripped her wrist so hard she felt something pop, the searing pain overwhelming her._

 _It was only when he left that the tears came, silently streaming down her face into her pillow. Everything was a fog, a blur and she laid there all night awake, trying to analyse what had just taken place._

 _Silent._

 _Numb._

 **So, we might have seen a little snippet into Elena's past there. And can we just take a minute to appreciate sweetheart Damon. Swoon.**

 **Anyway, please review and tell me what you think and the next chapter will follow soon!**

 **-P x**


	3. The Silence

**A/N: Hello! Firstly, thank you so much for the reviews! They really motivated me to get this chapter out! I'm sorry this chapter took a little longer, but I struggled so much to write something I actually like. And I'm still not sure I like it but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. I hope you enjoy!**

 **TW: Mentions of self-harm.**

 **3: The Silence**

Elena awoke in a blind panic, soaked in sweat with her heart pounding in her throat. She sat bolt upright gasping for air. It took her a moment to realise she wasn't in that old room of hers with the peeling paint and the damp patch on the wall next to her bed. That she was in fact, far, far away from everything that had anything to do with it. Damon woke up alarmed, and reached out to her, running his hand down her back, in attempt to soothe her.

"Stop!" She screamed, flinching at his touch, still trying to get a grasp on reality.

Damon furrowed his brow, wondering what had caused her to wake in such sheer terror.

Breathe, she told herself. Count to five and _breathe._ If therapy had taught her one thing, it was how to ground herself during a panic attack. Think of something you can touch, she told herself: She grasped at the bed sheets, balling the fabric in her fists.

Something you can see: The photo on her nightstand, her and Bonnie graduating high school, the biggest smiles plastered on their faces.

Something you can smell: Damon, his musky scent lighting her senses.

Something you can taste: The bitter flavour of alcohol on her tongue.

Something you can hear: _Damon…_

"Elena? Elena are you okay?" She heard Damon say in a concerned tone, slowly grounding her.

"I…" She started, "I'm sorry...I'm fine." She breathed, wiping the wetness from her eyes.

"Elena, you're shaking." He said, worry filling him. He brushed the damp strands of hair that clung to her forehead and pulled her into his chest, stroking her hair until her shaking subsided.

She closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest, his t-shirt now damp with her tears. She couldn't recall a time that someone had held her like this in one of her weakest, most vulnerable moments and what on earth she had done to deserve it. But even Bonnie knew about this. Usually she was good at concealing it but this was different. This had felt so real, so terrifying as if it was happening all over again.

"You're okay now. Everything's okay. It was just a dream. That's all, just a dream." He whispered, reassuring the brunette in his arms.

She closed her eyes and sank into his embrace as her heart rate gradually returned to normal. Little did he know what it _wasn't_ just a dream. It was very real and very terrifying. The last thing Elena wanted to do was answer questions but Damon didn't ask any. He just held her until she fell back to sleep.

The next morning, Elena awoke with probably the worst headache of her life. With the sunlight piercing through the uncovered window, she couldn't even bare to open her eyes.

"What time is it?" She asked, sounding more than a little groggy, still keeping her eyes firmly shut.

Damon reached over to check his phone. "8am."

"Fuck!" She exclaimed, darting out of bed, immediately regretting the decision as the room span around her, gripping onto the wall for stability.

She heard Damon chuckle behind her. "Easy there."

"I have class in an hour." She mumbled, turning around to face Damon, wishing the spinning would stop.

She saw him, stretched out on her bed, his hair all dishevelled with a sleepy look on his face. Fuck, even when she was sober, he still looked good.

"Unlucky." He chuckled.

"Seriously not funny, Damon. This is your fault." She glared.

Grabbing her towel, she left her bedroom for the bathroom and started the shower, stripping off. As she let the warm water wash over She remembered drinking with Damon, dancing with Damon and oh god, kissing Damon. And then she let him sleep in her bed. This was so against her rules, this was not supposed to happen. At least they hadn't had sex, she thought, turning off the shower and stepping onto the mat. She wrapped her towel around herself and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She still had remnants of mascara staining the skin under her eyes, resembling those of a racoon. Sighing, she took a cotton ball, wetting it with some makeup remover and wiped away the black stains. She returned to her room, cocooned in her towel and sat down on the edge of her bed, thought of simply not going to class and crawling back into her bed, hiding away from the world.

Damon gazed at her, admiring her raw beauty, even in this horrendously hungover state. He really ought to head home but he didn't quite want to leave her yet. He would be the first to admit he initially just wanted to get into her pants, but he had actually enjoyed her company. And they didn't even need to have sex for that. There was definitely something about her.

He watched her move around her room, getting ready in an almost sluggish state. She dressed herself in a pair of yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, opting for comfort instead of actually looking human. And as she was pulling up her leggings, he saw it; faded red lines littering her upper thighs. Some were darker than others but they were all very real. She swiftly pulled them up, hiding them from view. He knew he probably shouldn't be looking, invading her privacy like this but he couldn't help but wonder. What or who had happened to this beautiful girl to cause her so much pain?

When she was ready, Elena flopped back down onto her bed, letting out a groan. "I don't want to go to class." She whined, crawling under the blanket.

"You probably should though." Damon chuckled. "Hey, why don't I buy you a coffee on the way as a peace offering for getting you so drunk?"

She looked up at him, thinking about the offer. Coffee would certainly help right now and she really _did_ need to get to class. "Okay, deal." she declared, crawling back out of bed.

Damon walked Elena to class, stopping at Starbucks on the way, buying them each a large latte. Afterwards, he returned back to his apartment, finally stripping off his jeans and crawling into bed, desperate to sleep the rest of this hangover off. With no classes to attend today, the day was his to do with as he wished. He closed his eyes and realised his t-shirt still smelled like her. A small smile crept across his lips as he drifted off to sleep.

Elena's class was hell and her coffee was doing little to help. She turned in her assignment and spent the rest of the class with her head in her hands, willing it to be over as soon as possible. She wasn't even listening to her professor and would probably need someone to catch her up later but that was the least of her priorities right now.

Her mind wandered to Damon. She couldn't get over the fact that he had stayed with her and even held her after her nightmare. He didn't push her for sex, even though she was sure that was where his motive lied. She rubbed her temples and let out a sigh.

"Am I boring you, Miss Gilbert?" A voice shook her from her thoughts.

"No, sorry Mr Saltzman." She stammered.

"Well then, pay attention or leave. Don't waste my time."

Mortified, she sank into her seat and tried to look interested for the rest of the class. The second it was over, she darted out of there and back to her apartment, desperate for the solace of her room. She crawled into bed, burying her face into the pillow that still smelled of Damon. It was then that hot wet tears began to fall, flowing freely no matter how much she tried to stop them. She was sick of crying. Elena Gilbert didn't cry, yet in the last 24 hours, that was all she seemed to be able to do.

The next week passed by pretty uneventfully. She hadn't heard from Damon again since that night and she was kind of glad. He had gotten way to close for someone whom she didn't trust and the distance was exactly what she needed. No more partying, no more drinking. She was here for school.

Being a writer was something she had always dreamed of. It was the only thing that kept her sane during the turmoil of growing up in the foster system and it was the only thing that she was actually good at. Writing had been her outlet for as long as she could remember; when there was no one else, her journal was always there for her. It kept her secrets and couldn't judge her.

So she grabbed her journal and a pen and opened up a blank page.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _While everyone else is out partying, I'm not. I learned my lesson. I let someone else in and that cannot happen again. Because when they realise how fucked up I really am, they'll run a mile and I can't let myself go through that._

 _I thought New York would be a fresh start to escape from everything but I haven't escaped from my mind. I feel numb, nothing. I've got no motivation to do anything but go to class and even then, I can't write anything decent._

 _I got my first assignment back and at the bottom, scrawled in red ink read 'lacking any depth. The task was to get to know_ _you_ _, not your friend.' I tore the paper up and threw it in the trash. He asked me to re-write it but I can't. How can I write about a significant event in my life when everything I touch turns to shit?! I don't think my Creative Writing professor likes me._

She trailed off, chucking the journal on the floor, frustrated. She just wanted the world to suck her up into oblivion.

Suddenly a loud pounding on her bedroom door dragged her back to reality. She stood up and opened the door, greeted with a blonde on the other side.

"Elena!" Rebekah said, a little too enthusiastic for her liking.

"What do you want?" The brunette sighed, really not having the energy for human interaction right now.

"So Matt has ditched me and you've been holed up in this room all week. We're going out."

"I'm not going out." Elena stated firmly, shaking her head vigorously. They weren't friends so why was Rebekah acting like they were?

"Yes we are, come on. Get dressed in something pretty and meet me in fifteen minutes."

The blonde wasn't letting up so Elena sighed, opening up her closet. She rifled through the clothes, trying to find something to wear. Maybe she could just go for a bit, then sneak home. And maybe it might be nice to get away from the silence for a little while.

Fifteen minutes passed and all Elena had done was apply a little makeup and let her hair down from the bun on top of her head. She didn't know what Rebekah's definition of 'pretty' was but she certainly didn't own anything like that. And right on queue, the blonde was relentlessly pounding on her door again.

"You're not dressed." She stated.

She looked down at her black jeans and deep red tank. "What's wrong with this?" Elena asked, shrugging. Her entire wardrobe consisted of jeans, tank tops and sweaters. She didn't wear dresses because she never went anywhere where you might wear a dress.

"Come with me."

Before Elena could protest, Rebekah had grabbed her arm and was dragging her to her own room. Rebekah's room was not what she had expected. It was a little messy with a few clothes on the floor and an ashtray on the nightstand but on the wall, she had a collage of hundreds of little polaroid photographs of what she assumed to be her friends and family, with fairy lights all around the room. She opened her closet to reveal an extensive collection of clothes, tightly packed inside. She pulled out a tiny, skin-tight red dress and held it out to Elena. The brunette shook her head.

"That's far too short. I don't want my ass popping out, thanks." This was partly true. But something that short would show the marks on her legs and the last thing she wanted was to be dubbed 'that suicidal girl'. That had already happened at high school once. She was the weird new girl and the regulation gym shorts were so short that they bared all. After that incident, she had ditched gym for the rest of her time at that school, before she got moved on yet again.

"Okay…" Rebekah put the dress back and pulled out another. This one was a bit longer and a burgundy colour. "Try this one."

Elena took the dress and pulled her tank top off, slipping the dress over her head, only removing her jeans once she had safely pulled the dress down over her thighs.

" _Damn_ girl!" The blonde exclaimed.

Elena turned to look in a full length mirror. Okay, she looked _hot._ She pulled her hair over her right shoulder, adjusting it. The dress hugged her every curve and made her look much older than she actually was. She slipped a pair of heels on, _also Rebekahs,_ and she was ready. The blonde opened a drawer and pulled out a little plastic baggy of white powder, dipping her long fingernail into the bag and snorting the powder.

"Want some?" She asked, holding the bag out to Elena.

Elena shook her head.

"Go on. If it's your first time, just take a little."

Elena grit her teeth and grabbed the bag. She was sick of everyone thinking she was the 'good girl' since moving to New York. "Not my first time." She mumbled, taking a large scoop, snorting the lot.

Maybe now at least, she might actually feel something.

 **Is party-girl Elena creeping out from the shadows? I don't know, you'll have to wait and see!**

 **Please review, it means so much to me and it motivates me to get the next chapter out to you quicker! Lots of love!**

 **-P x**


	4. Losing Your Memory

**A/N: Hello my beauties. Firstly I want to say thank you! I have been blown away with all your kind words and follows. You're really motivating me to keep going with this. Secondly, I've started a new story. (oops) The Story of Us has two chapters up already so I'd love it if you went and checked it out.**

 **Anyway, I think you might really like this chapter. ;)**

 **4: Losing Your Memory**

Damon had been distracted all week. He was sat on his bed with his guitar on his lap, plucking out a tune aimlessly. The root of his distraction was none other than the gorgeous brunette he had met a week earlier. All week, he had been wishing he had got her number. He couldn't even find her on a Facebook search. And rocking up to her apartment unannounced was hardly a good idea. So he had done nothing.

It was a Friday night and he was sitting in, sober and alone. What the hell was wrong with him? Usually, he would be straight out to the best party of the night, but he wasn't. He put the guitar to his side and sat up, pushing his hair back, deciding to do something.

His roommate, Tyler Lockwood had gone out; maybe Damon should find out where he had gone and join him? It sure seemed like a better idea than moping about by himself like the sad case he was. He grabbed his phone from the side and sent out a quick text, changing into a fresh t-shirt while he waited for a reply. Maybe going out and getting laid might just be the only thing that could clear his head of this mysterious chocolate eyed brunette.

Half an hour later, he arrived at the 'party house'. Basically, it was a huge house where eight or so students lived and they always threw killer parties. There was a huge space in the middle made into a makeshift dance floor with strobe lights and pounding music coming from huge speakers dotted around the room. He immediately spotted Tyler who already had a blonde hanging off of him and gratefully accepted the drink his friend handed him, downing the thing in one.

"You came!" Tyler exclaimed, clearly a little drunk already. "I knew you couldn't hack staying in."

Damon let out a chuckle. "Yeah, you know me. Can never miss a party like this."

"Touché. Now, go find yourself a play thing." he winked, gesturing to the dance floor and returning his attention back to the blonde.

Taking that comment as his que to leave Tyler to the likes of his lady friend for the evening, he gazed over and the groups of drunk college students wildly dancing and that's when he spotted her. She was with a blonde girl he had seen before. _Rebekah was it?_ And she looked unreal, his pants becoming a little snug at the mere sight of her clad in that tight little dress, hugging her in all the right places. Somehow, she was the last person he thought he would see tonight but there she was, affecting him in such a way that he didn't think was possible.

He moved closer to the brunette until he was right behind her before whispering in her ear. "Didn't think I'd be seeing you here."

Elena felt a tingle down her spine as she heard that familiar husky voice in her ear and span around coming face to face with Damon. Her breath hitched in her throat as her brown orbs met his baby blues.

"I didn't know I'd _be_ __here until a few hours ago. Rebekah dragged me out." She was close enough to him that his intoxicating scent, that had pretty much faded from her pillow where he had slept a week ago, was awakening things within her.

"Well, that makes two of us. And I'm glad she did."

"Dance with me." She murmured, pulling him into the crowd and he more than happily obliged. He was now her drug and she needed her fix.

And there they were, dancing like nothing else in the world mattered. And it was then that Elena realised how much she missed this; the sweet release of being high off her face and dancing the night away, pretending that here and now was the only thing that existed and nothing could touch her. And there was something about Damon's presence that she found oddly comforting. He ground into her ass as they danced, his hands finding her hips as they found a rhythm. God, if she was this good at dancing, what the hell was she like in bed, he wondered.

"Let's get a drink." he suggested, pulling her out of the crowd, desperately needing a break as his erection strained painfully against his jeans. All Elena's doing, he might add.

Once her body wasn't pressed up against his, he could think clearly again. He led them into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and two cups. Elena hopped onto the kitchen counter, watching him.

"What are you drinking then?" He asked, pouring himself a generous helping of amber liquid.

"I'm not." She retorted.

"Oh go on, one won't hurt." he held the cup out to her, remembering just how much they had drank the previous weekend. He certainly had no intentions of getting her that drunk again.

"I've got this instead." She smirked, pulling out the little bag of white powder.

His eyes went wide and a slight smirk played on his lips. Drugs was the last thing he would have guessed someone like Elena to do. Then again, he didn't really know her that well, _clearly_.

"You got a bill on you?" She asked as he watched her pour some out onto the counter, creating two neat lines.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dollar bill and watched as she rolled it into a tube, snorting the first line, before offering the tube to him. He obliged, snorting the other line then taking a large swig of whiskey.

"You, Elena, are a bad influence." He murmured in a sultry tone, coming to stand in between her legs.

"You don't know the half of it." She retorted coyly with her new found drug induced confidence, curling her legs around his waist, trapping him there. Maybe it was the effects of the cocaine or maybe just this blue eyed, raven haired Adonis before her, but she didn't want to let go. Their lips were barely an inch apart and she could feel his breath on hers. Her mind wandered back to the kiss they had shared a week prior and the burning passion that she had felt in every inch of her being. Fighting with every bit of sense left in her mind, she so desperately wanted to close that gap.

Damon felt it too, his eyes turning dark with need. "God, what are you doing to me?" He groaned, crashing his lips onto hers. His hands easily found their way around her, grazing at the soft skin exposed by her dress. He wanted nothing more than to rip that dress from her body and have his way with her right here in the kitchen.

They eventually pulled apart, gasping for air. Elena still had her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands were still stroking the skin on his back. Her head was spinning but she felt on cloud nine. His touch felt electric against her skin and she knew she should stop this before it got out of hand but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to do so.

Damon felt powerless. Usually he was always the one in control. He knew what he wanted and he'd be damned sure to make sure he got it. But this little brunette vixen in his arms was throwing everything that he knew out of the window. He wanted her. He _needed_ her.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

She swallowed thickly and nodded, sliding off the counter and taking his hand, navigating through the crowds of people and following him out into the cool night air. Elena instinctively rubbed her exposed arms, feeling the chill and Damon obviously noticed.

"Do you want my jacket?" He asked. She shook her head but he slipped it off anyway, draping it over her shoulders. It was warm and it smelled like leather and Damon. "My place is only a few blocks away." He stated, offering her his hand again. She accepted before she had a chance to change her mind and they began to walk through the night, Damon leading the way.

Damon's apartment was small but nice. The front door opened to a compact kitchen and living space with a door either side of the room which she assumed were the bedrooms. It was fairly neat which surprised her since two guys resided there.

Damon stalked over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of bourbon, taking two tumblers from a cupboard. Elena sat down on the couch and Damon returned to her, pouring them both a drink.

"You don't have to drink it but let me know so _I_ can." He teased but Elena gladly accepted the drink, feeling the liquid warm her.

"Why did you stay that night?" She blurted out suddenly. The question had been plaguing her all week.

"What do you mean?"

"Last week, at the party." She took another swig. "I was a mess but you stayed."

He shrugged. "You asked me to."

"You didn't have to though. And you...when I woke up in the night…" She looked down, not knowing how to word it, her cheeks flushing, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

Damon moved closer, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear. "Elena," he spoke softly, his hand cupped against her cheek, "nightmares are nothing to be embarrassed about. My younger brother used to have them and the only way he could go back to sleep is if I held him."

Elena nodded, understanding him a little more.

"Does it happen a lot?"

Elena nodded again, blinking back a few tears.

"Hey, shh." He cooed, pulling her into a hug. "It will get better, I promise."

Elena sunk into his embrace. The thing was, she didn't think it could get better. Those dreams had plagued her mind ever since, and that was over two years ago. Not wanting to think about it anymore, she pulled away from the hug and looked at Damon, leaning in for a kiss. It was softer this time, comforting. That was the case until Damon pulled her onto his lap so she had one leg either side, straddling him. She deepened the kiss in response to his move, her hands finding their way into his hair, her fingernails dragging against his scalp. Her dress had pretty much slid all the way up now and she could feel his arousal pressing against her centre, his hands on her ass, gripping and pulling her closer. She rocked her hips against him which elicited a moan from Damon, only turning her on more.

Her fingers reached for the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up over his head. Their lips were only parted for a second before she was back on him, devouring his mouth, exploring every inch with her tongue. She raked her fingernails down his bare chest, along his rippling muscles. Her hands moved to the button on his jeans, popping it open. And that was when he pulled away from the kiss, his hands cupping her face.

"Elena," he began, cursing himself for stopping when he saw her flushed cheeks and swollen lips that had been on his just moments earlier. God, she looked hot. "Are you sure about this?" She didn't seem like the one night stand type and he needed to be sure they were on the same page before they went any further. "I don't want you to regret anything."

"I'm sure." She breathed. "I've got nothing to regret." She just wanted him to make her forget, because while she was with him, her thoughts left her alone. She pecked his lips before having a thought and climbing off his lap, kneeling on the floor. She saw Damon pout at the loss of contact and let out a small giggle. "Another line?" She asked, pulling the bag of coke out again and shaking some onto the coffee table.

While she did this, Damon couldn't help moving her hair to one side and kissing a trail down her neck her neck, pausing before sucking on the sensitive skin just below her lobe. She let out a small moan, her eyes fluttering closed, completely distracting her from what she was doing and ending up with more coke on the table than she originally planned.

"Can you resist me for just one minute?" She teased softly. "Plus, this makes sex even better."

He smirked, handing her a bill again to roll into a straw. Little did she know that he really _couldn't_ resist her.

She divided the powder into four lines, taking two herself before handing the rolled dollar bill to Damon. He did the same and stood up, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her up off the floor into his body. His hands slid down, cupping her ass and pulled her into a deep kiss, showing her just how much he needed her.

And the way she kissed him back showed him that she needed him too.

He picked her up with ease, wrapping her legs around his waist and carried her to his bedroom, placing her down on the bed and reclaiming her lips. He ran his hands up her legs, grabbing the hem of the dress and sliding it up her body and over her head, revealing a matching black lace lingerie set. His dick twitched and the mere sight of her sprawled out on his bed in nothing but her underwear. And then he saw the scars on her legs, the very same that he had seen the week before briefly. His finger traced them carefully but Elena clearly sensed this and pulled him back up to her, looking into his piercing blue eyes.

"Please," she begged. The simple word held so many underlying meanings and he acknowledged her request, not wanting to pry in fear of scaring her away. "Just fuck me."

And he didn't need to be told twice before he reclaimed her lips in a searing kiss.

 **Aaaannd, I'll leave it there. Don't hate me ;)**

 **Please review, it means a lot and the next chapter shall follow soon. Lots of love.**

 **-P x**


	5. Control

**A/N: Hello! I am so sorry for taking longer with this update. I've been really busy with work and I couldn't seem to get the words out for this chapter, but here it finally is!**

 **I also know that there was some comments on the drug use is story and I just want to say that I do not personally agree with of condone the use of drugs, but it is vital to the story and to the character, you will soon find out why.**

 **This chapter also contains strong trigger warning for self harm and smut so please heed the warnings with care.**

 **5: Control**

Elena didn't quite know what had gotten into her but here she was, underneath Damon and every nerve in her being was on fire. Every touch, every kiss was like electricity coursing through her body; she was sure she had never felt anything like this before. A moan escaped her lips as he grazed her nipple through the delicate fabric of her lace bra, arching her back towards him begging, needing more. She reached for his already unbuttoned jeans, impatiently tugging them off. He helped her along, removing his jeans quickly before his lips were back on hers, kissing and teasing, pressing his throbbing length against her core; the fabric of their underwear was the only thing separating them.

Overcome by newfound confidence, Elena flipped them over so she was straddling him, tugging his boxers down to free him length. She took him in her hands in slow stroking motions and Damon hissed at her touch, dropping his head back into the pillow.

"Elena…" He begged, desperate and needing, and suddenly her mouth was on him. His eyes rolled back into his head as she took him, expertly licking and sucking as he threatened to come undone all too soon.

He pulled her up and into a kiss, his eyes dark with hunger for this gorgeous brunette vixen on top of him, quickly undoing her bra and tossing it aside. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, toying the other with his fingers, groaning when she rocked her hips into him.

"Fuck." She moaned, quickly pulling her underwear off. She was done with playing now. She had a need and Damon was going to fulfil it. She lined him up with her entrance and slowly sank down onto him, drawing a moan from his throat and letting him fill her completely.

She felt hot and wet and oh so _tight_ around his length and seeing her sat above him the way she was, made him even harder if that was at all possible. And then they started moving, hard and fast and desperate. Elena leaned down for a bruising kiss as he thrust up into her, her fingers curling around his shoulders for support. Damon watched her, long dark hair hanging down, framing her face and those swollen lips that she kept biting in a failed attempt to hold back a moan, until she came undone, squeezing and pulsating around his cock which only pulled him with her into climax.

She collapsed onto him, breathless, resting her head in the crook of his neck, her heart pounding against her chest. Damon cradled her head with his hand, stroking her hair softly and their breathing gradually returned back to normal.

She only moved when she felt Damon shift beneath her slightly. "I'm gonna get some water. Do you need anything?" He spoke softly.

She shook her head and moved, allowing him to get up and watched him leave towards the kitchen. And that was when the realisation hit.

What was she doing? Or more like, what had she _done?_

She needed to get out.

Panic set in and she jumped up, fumbling for her clothes, putting her underwear on which was pretty difficult when her legs were still shaking. Except now her whole body was shaking. She tugged on her dress and made a beeline for the exit but that's when Damon stopped her. He grabbed her arm and she flinched but paused when she saw the look of concern in those blue eyes. Those fucking enchanting blue eyes that had caused all this to start with.

"Elena, wait. What's wrong?"

"I have to go…" Was all she managed before she pulled away from his grip and ran out of the apartment. And he was hardly going to chase her naked, was he?

And then she let go. A huge sob wracked through her body as she replayed the events of the past few hours. How could she have been so _stupid?!_ How could she have let herself get so out of control after everything that had happened before? The drugs, the sex. This wasn't her. Not anymore. How had she allowed herself to let her guard down after spending so long learning how to protect herself?

So with her heels in one hand and her clutch in the other, she ran. She ran barefoot in the rain, tears streaming down her face and she didn't stop until she reached her apartment. She ran into her room and slammed the door behind her, and only then did she fully break down. She slid into the floor and sobbed. She was cold and soaked from the rain and the tears that wouldn't stop.

She grabbed for her clutch and ripped the thing open, digging for her phone. In frustration, she emptied it onto her floor, keys her lipstick and some money falling out, but there was no phone.

"Fuck!" She cursed as she angrily wiped away tears, smudging her makeup more in the process. She probably looked an absolute state but she couldn't find it within herself to care.

She need to regain control and she needed to do it right now. So she did it the only way she knew how.

She crawled over to a drawer, her vision still blurred with tears and opened it, a shaky hand reaching for a blade hidden safely at the back. Just in case. Knelt down, hunched over on the floor, she wiped her eyes for the hundredth time and held the blade in her right hand, her left wrist facing up. The blade hovered above her skin for a moment before she squeezed her eyes shut, lowering it and dragging it across the surface. Pain surged, but in a some sick twisted way, it felt _good._

Damon stood frozen on the spot as he watched Elena leave. He saw the look on her face. She was freaked out. She was _terrified._ A million thoughts raced through his mind. Sure, he got around but he was never one to force a girl into sex against her will. That wasn't his style. But she was into it. She had practically initiated it, he was sure of it. And she seemed fine when he had left the room. He couldn't understand what he had done. He placed the glass of water on the side, now forgotten and rushed back to his bedroom, tugging on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before slipping on some shoes, hoping he could still catch her. And that was when he saw the phone on his floor. Elena's phone. He cursed and slipped it into his pocket before racing off.

He vaguely remembered the way to her apartment and headed in that direction. That was where she had gone, surely. It was at least his best bet. It was now raining hard and he couldn't believe she had run off in this weather, she had to be freezing. Guilt surged through him as he could only think that this was his fault. She didn't deserve this. She hadn't been just a girl leaving after a quick lay; he and seen her face and something was wrong.

He finally reached his building, soaked to the bone and ran up the stairs to her floor, grateful that her door was unlocked. He paced to her bedroom and opened the door, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight before him when he finally arrived.

The brunette who had looked so breath-taking mere hours before was now sat on the floor, slumped against her bed looking fragile as ever. Her makeup was nothing but black tear stains down her cheeks now.

And there was blood.

 _Fucking hell her arm was covered in blood._

"Elena…" He breathed, springing to action and crouching down beside her. He brushed her hair out of her face and cradled her head in her hands. She was conscious. This was a good thing, he told himself. He grabbed a towel to soak up the blood and realised it wasn't quite as bad as he first thought. He cradled her arm in his hand and looked at her.

Her brown orbs opened when she felt his gaze. "Sorry…" She mumbled, not sure what other words to say in this situation.

"Don't be sorry." He replied, wiping a tear from her cheek. "Please don't ever be sorry."

She gave a weak nod and looked at the open drawer. "There's a first aid kit in there. I can sort myself…"

"Let me." He cut her off, reaching for the green bag and opening it up. It had everything in there from antiseptic to bandages and butterfly stitches. He couldn't help but realise that this wasn't the first time she was in this situation and in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to take whatever pain she was in away from her so she would never have to go through it again.

He got to work, cleaning and closing the wounds before wrapping them up and Elena let him. She watched as he touched her with such care and kindness, never asking questions. No one had ever done this for her before, so she couldn't understand _why_ Damon was.

"Right, let's get you in bed." He suggested when he had finished. "And you might want a change from your wet clothes." He added as an afterthought, opening a few drawers until he had found some clothes she could sleep in.

He handed her the clothes but she didn't move so he carefully helped her change and helped her into bed, covering her with a blanket.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked, not wanting to leave her alone but not wanting to overstay his welcome either.

Elena shook her head, looking up at him with those sad chocolate eyes, so he stayed. He stripped off his wet clothes, leaving him in his boxers and climbed onto the bed, laying on top of the blanket.

"You can get in if you want." She croaked, speaking only the second set of words to him since he had arrived. He climbed under the covers and turned to face her, laying on his arm.

"I'm sorry Damon…" She murmured, looking at him. "For running out on you, for…" She trailed off, looking away.

"Can I ask why you ran off? Did I do something?" He asked the question that had plagued him the entire time since she had disappeared.

"No. You didn't do anything. It was me…" She took a deep breath. " I was high and it felt so good, but then I freaked out. I lost control of myself and it brought up some memories and I just had to get out." She squeezed her eyes shut as tears started to them sting again.

"You don't have to tell me anything, not if you're not comfortable with it. I'm just glad you're safe."

She was silent for a minute and then she whispered. It was barely audible but Damon heard.

"Me to…"

 **I don't know if you love me or hate me for this but please let me know what you thought with a review. Much love as always.**

 **-P x**


	6. Wake Me Up

**A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me a little longer to get a chapter out for this story. I was hella blocked but last night it came to me and it's a long one! Lots happens in this one, some heavier stuff too but I think you might like it.**

 **Also a disclaimer, the song lyrics used in this are not my own, but for the sake of the story, let's just pretend Damon wrote them.**

 **6: Wake Me Up**

Elena didn't want to move. Damon's chest was pressed against her back with his arm slung around her waist, hand resting on her hip bone. He was breathing softly against her neck which gave her the impression that he was still asleep. She couldn't say why, but in this moment she was content. But she also couldn't understand why Damon was still here. From her impression, he didn't seem like the type who stuck around after sex, especially after her breakdown the previous night. Most people would just run. But he didn't run, he didn't ask questions, he just took care of her and for that, she was confused but thankful.

She carefully tried to untangle herself from Damon so she could get a shower and sort herself out without waking him, but it was obvious she had failed when she heard that gruff sleepy voice of his.

"Why are you moving?" He grumbled, pulling her back towards him.

A small smile crept across her face. "I need to get in the shower."

"No, you need to sleep. It's early." He murmured, wrapping his arms around her.

Elena glanced at the clock on her night stand. "Damon, it's nine thirty."

"Like I said, early." He mumbled, holding her tighter.

Elena sighed and gave in, letting her body relax against his. Her body ached and her head was foggy, so surely a couple more hours sleep wouldn't hurt. And truthfully, it didn't. When Elena awoke a few hours later with Damon still wrapped around her, although she was still achy, she had probably had the best sleep she'd had in forever. Except for the fact that her wrist was throbbing. That hadn't been a clever decision in hindsight. She had been good for so long and now she had gone and ruined it. Most people looked at her like a freak when they saw her scars but not Damon. He'd patched her up like it was just a grazed knee then held her until she fell asleep. She just couldn't fathom why someone would want to do that for her.

Elena closed her notebook and gathered her papers, slipping them into her bag as her Monday morning class came to and end. Truthfully, she hadn't been paying as much attention as she should have been. Her mind was still wrapped up in the whirlwind of the weekend before. She just kept being drawn back to the feeling of herself curled against Damon's side and how good it felt, despite her conflicted feelings. She knew it wasn't a smart decision to get involved with someone, especially if that someone was Damon Salvatore. But when she slept next to her, she felt safe and the nightmares didn't come.

He had stayed the following night too. They stayed up late chatting and she offered him the option to stay instead of him going back to his own apartment after midnight. After all, New York wasn't exactly the safest place after dark. During their conversations, she had learned that he was a music major, which had surprised her. But she did see the appeal that had with the ladies. She didn't want to rule sleeping with him as a mistake, but she wished she hadn't. Or at least waited. Because what if he had gotten all he wanted from her now? She brushed that thought aside, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. Hell, _she_ wasn't even ready for a relationship and she had no idea if Damon would even entertain the idea. She was getting way ahead of herself.

Then her mind wandered to the reaction from her roommate. Rebekah hadn't been the most subtle when she had emerged from her room with Damon following behind her sometime after noon. She was sure the blonde was getting all sorts of ideas, _some_ of which may have been true, but that was beside the point. She still wouldn't consider the blonde a friend, but she was becoming _slightly_ more tolerable.

She was pulled from her thoughts when everyone got up from their seats and the class started to file from the room. Elena stood up, grabbing her bag. She had a couple hours to kill until her next class and was planning on heading to the Starbucks round the corner and getting a bit of studying done. Until a voice drew her out.

"Miss Gilbert, may I have a word?" Alaric Saltzman, her professor called as she was about to leave the room. She turned around and headed over to his desk.

"Yes?" She asked, waiting for him to continue.

"I noticed you hadn't turned in the assignment. As it's only your third week, you have to know that this doesn't look good on your part."

She clutched her bag, pulling it higher on her shoulder. "I didn't do it." She answered, her boldness surprising even herself.

Alaric blinked. This wasn't the answer he was expecting. Elena seemed like a good student and even then, he was used to students coming up with a string of excuses, not outright admitting they hadn't done the work set. "I'm sorry?"

"I didn't do it." She repeated, more sure of herself.

"And can I ask, why not?" His expression was stern, but she couldn't back down. Not now.

"Because I have nothing to write about. Nothing significant." She wanted to run, but it was too late now. She had started this, she needed to finish it.

"Elena, everyone has something to write about, a turning point, something that means a lot to them."

Elena shook her head. "Not me."

His expression had turned into a more puzzled one now. "And why do you think that?"

"Because…" She took a breath, trying to articulate her thoughts into actual words. "Because there's nothing positive in my life to write about."

Alaric let out a sigh. "A significant event doesn't necessarily have to be positive."

Elena clenched her teeth. She was getting close to losing it. She'd seen a few of the pieces some of the students in her class had written about. First day of school, falling in love, birth of a sibling, winning an award, family holidays, just to name a few. Elena had had none of those things. "So you want a sob story then?" She pursed her lips, waiting for a reply.

"Elena, I don't mean that. You're a good writer. You wouldn't be on this course if you weren't. You just have to dig a little deeper."

"Right." She turned on her heel to storm out but something stopped her. She was sick and tired of running and hiding from her past. She turned back to face Alaric. "Okay no. You want deep? I can do deep. How about having drug addict parents and being put in the foster system at the age of nine? And not knowing if they are alive or not, then being passed around from place to place like an unwanted object. Or not seeing or hearing from your siblings in over ten years, because 'it's easier to place three individuals than a group of three children with a damaged upbringing'? That deep enough for you?!" Elena was seething now, hot tears threatened to fall but she refused to let them right now.

"I…" Alaric was dumbfounded. He didn't know how to respond to that. His degree and years of teaching experience had taught him a lot of things, but not how to deal with this.

"I thought so." Elena spat and with that, she stormed out, freely letting the tears fall now. She didn't know where all that had come from, but after years of building up walls and barriers, something had to break soon. She just wished it hadn't been in front of her creative writing professor.

She pulled out her phone. She needed to talk to someone right now, because otherwise she didn't know what else she would do, and that thought scared her more. She selected Bonnie from her contact list and let it ring, once, twice, three, four times and then voicemail kicked in. The cursed and tried again at least four more times before launching her phone down the empty hall. It bounced and tumbled, landing face down about ten feet away. She let out an exasperated sigh, walking over and picking it up. Of course the screen was shattered. Fucking fantastic. The touch screen still seemed to work, so she bit back her pride and called the only other person she could.

"Hey…" A gruff sleepy voice answered on the other end.

"Damon...I need someone to talk to."

Damon sat up in bed, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "Elena, is everything okay?"

The concern in his voice broke her and she let out a deep, gut wrenching sob.

"Fuck, what the hell happened?" Damon was now up, pulling on some boxers and a t-shirt he found on the floor, balancing the phone between his shoulder and her ear. The worst was going through his head, especially after how he found her Friday night after she ran from him. "Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"Damon, you don't have to…"

"Where are you, Elena?" He cut her off, grabbing his car keys from the side and slipping his boots on, not bothering about socks.

"At school...the English building. I fucked up…"

Damon left his apartment, starting down the street. "I'm on my way, don't move, I'll be five minutes."

Damon started a half jog, heading towards the building. Luckily it wasn't too far from his place and he could be there soon. He didn't know what it was, but there was something about this girl. He wanted to help her, to take away her pain that he realised, he knew nothing about. Not that he should; they were practically strangers after all. But she wasn't just a one night stand to him. Maybe that had been the plan at first, but after he spent a little time with her, he knew he wanted to get to know her more. She intrigued him. Not to mention that she was stunning too. And she didn't try either, that is what he had liked about her. He was so used to girls slapping on thick makeup and pushing their boobs up to their chins just to try and impress him, but that wasn't Elena.

True to his word, he arrived at the building five minutes later and found Elena on the steps outside, her eyes still red from crying. His stomach clenched at the sight of her like that and he walked over, pulling her into his arms. "What happened?" He asked, stroking her hair.

"Not here." She spoke, small and timid.

"My place?" He asked, knowing Tyler was out.

She gave a silent nod against his chest, letting him lead her back to his place.

Twenty minutes had passed with Elena was sat on his couch and she still hadn't said a word. She simply toyed her now broken phone between her fingers, staring blankly at the wall. Damon emerged from the kitchen, bringing her a mug of coffee. He didn't know if she wanted it but he sure as hell did, he was still half asleep.

"So tell me," he began, taking a sip of the warm caffeinated goodness, "what happened that got you so upset?"

She looked down at her hands. "I yelled at my professor."

Damon let out a slight chuckle. "That can't be the whole story."

The brunette sighed. "It's not. He asked why I hadn't turned in my last assignment and I told him I didn't do it."

Damon furrowed a brow. "Why didn't you do it?"

Elena looked up at Damon, noticing those sparkling blue eyes of his that relaxed her ever so slightly. "I didn't feel comfortable writing about what he wanted me to." She paused, deliberating on whether she wanted to tell Damon the rest. But Damon remained silent and let her continue. "I haven't told anyone here but I didn't exactly have the greatest childhood. I grew up in the foster system…"

She watched Damon, waiting for a reaction of disgust or judgement. Hell, she had had her fair share of that over the years. But he didn't react in the way she expected, he just nodded in understanding. So she continued.

"My parents were addicts. They often left my brother, sister and I to fend for ourselves...there was never food in the house and we were dubbed as the dirty, smelly kids when we went to school. Then child services got involved. We were seperated and I haven't seen or spoken to them since." Elena paused, letting tears fall that contained so much pent up emotion from the last ten years and more.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry Elena." This wasn't what he was expecting to hear, but it made sense. He knew she was hurting and now he could begin to understand why.

"You don't need to be sorry. It's in the past and it can't be changed." She wiped away the tears, reaching for the mug of coffee Damon had placed on the coffee table in front of her.

"But I'm still sorry to had to go through that. So, you told your professor that?"

Elena let out a dry laugh. "Not in those words yes. I was a tad more aggressive about it."

"Oh." He answered, piecing together the story.

"Yeah." She sighed, taking a sip of coffee.

"You should probably talk to him, you know."

"He's probably already called to get me sectioned." Her dry humour didn't land on him very well, so she changed the subject. "I need a distraction."

 _Those_ words landed on him. And god, he knew exactly what kind of distraction he wanted to give her, but this wasn't the right time. She was upset and the last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of her and add to her pain. But he had another idea.

"You said you wanted to hear some of my music, right?" Music was his favourite distraction so he was sure it would help with Elena.

Elena nodded, remembering their conversation a few nights ago. Damon had mentioned that he was in a band with a few guys on his course. He was known pretty well on the campus but Elena being a freshman, had never heard him play. Damon emerged a moment later from his bedroom with a guitar in his hand. He sat down on the couch, placing the guitar on his knee and began to strum out a few chords, before he settled into a beat.

" _The same drink that gets me out the door_

 _Is the same drink that puts me on the floor_

 _And the new thing I wanna try some more_

 _Is the same mistake I used to make before_

 _If I'm helpless tell me now_

 _Tell me now_

 _If I'm helpless tell me now_

 _Tell me now_

 _If I'm helpless tell me now_

 _Tell me now_

 _And I'll stop trying to figure it out"_

Damon stopped, gauging her reaction. He always felt a bit awkward playing in front of people. With an audience and his band, it was no problem. But this was different. This was far more intimate.

She'd be lying to say his voice wasn't amazing. "Is that one of your bands songs?" She asked, curious.

Damon nodded. "Yeah, it's one of the newer things we've been working on."

Elena smiled. "I like it. Do you write your own stuff?"

"The guys and I all pitch in ideas. It's pretty fun and we get a little income from gigs on the side."

"Do you do any solo stuff?" She pried.

Damon laughed. "I have, but no one hears that."

"Play me something." Elena looked up at him with a grin on her face. Damon went to refuse, but how could he say no to those pleading eyes of hers.

"Okay…but it probably sucks." He sighed.

His own music was far more personal than anything he played with his band. It was for him, his outlet. But Elena had just shared something so personal with him that he felt like he owed it to her to do the same. He took a moment to get his footing but soon settled into a melody and began to sing. Elena just watched, mesmerised.

" _I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill_

 _I threw the day-old tea from the cup_

 _Packed up the photo album Stefan had made_

 _Memories of a life that's been loved_

 _Took the "Get Well Soon" cards and stuffed animals_

 _Poured the old ginger beer down the sink_

 _Dad always told me, "Don't you cry when you're down."_

 _But, mom, there's a tear every time that I blink_

 _Oh, I'm in pieces. It's tearing me up but I know_

 _A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved_

 _So, I'll sing Hallelujah,_

 _You were an angel in the shape of my mom_

 _When I fell down you'd be there holding me up_

 _Spread your wings as you go_

 _And when God takes you back_

 _He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."_

 _I fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up_

 _Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case_

 _John said he'd drive, then put his hand on my cheek_

 _And wiped a tear from the side of my face_

 _And I hope that I see the world as you did 'cause I know_

 _A life with love is a life that's been lived_

 _So, I'll sing Hallelujah,_

 _You were an angel in the shape of my mom_

 _When I fell down you'd be there holding me up_

 _Spread your wings as you go, when God takes you back_

 _He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."_

 _Hallelujah,_

 _You were an angel in the shape of my mom_

 _You got to see the person I have become_

 _Spread your wings and I know_

 _That when God took you back, he said, "Hallelujah, you're home."_

Damon finished the song and looked up at the brunette, his eyes wet. Elena didn't know why he had chosen to sing this song to her. Because the pain in his voice told her these words were far too close to home. Before her brain had any more time to process, she leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips. It wasn't fuelled with sexual energy, it was tender comforting, because they both sure as hell needed that right now.

 **So, what does this mean for Delena?! I so enjoyed writing that little but of bonding and fluff, and trust me, there will be more of that to come! Any ideas or suggestions are very much welcome! Please let me know what you think, love you all!**

 **-P x**


	7. Make Me Want To

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews and thank you for being patient with me. This chapter has probably taken me over a week to write because I haven't had any spare time! So, if it is bitty, that's why but hopefully it flows! Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, it's 1am and I have to be up in six hours. So, please tell me what you think, I always love to hear your opinions. Enjoy!**

 **7: Make Me Want To**

"I've always wanted to play an instrument." Elena mused, as she watched Damon pluck the strings of his guitar. He wasn't playing anything in particular right now, but she found out that she just loved to watch him. It was therapeutic in a strange way.

He paused and looked up at her. "Do you still want to?"

Elena shrugged. "I don't know. I never had the chance when I was younger and it's probably too late now." Between neglectful parents and a string of foster homes, extracurricular activities, especially those that cost money were never an option. Music lessons, along with ballet and gymnastics were always something she had wanted to do when she was younger; her peers at school did all these but she never had the chance.

"Don't be silly." Elena just looked up at those blue eyes with a puzzled look on her face so he continued. "It's never too late to learn something new. If you want, I can teach you."

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows, surprised.

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it." He chuckled. "Come sit here." He lifted the guitar and patted the space between his legs for her to sit. Elena moved and sat there and Damon placed the guitar on her lap, still holding the neck of the instrument.

Elena settled against his chest, enjoying the warmth on her back. Damon moved to rest his chin on her shoulder so he could see. "So take your left hand and place it here, like this." He demonstrated with his own hand before adjusting Elena's fingers into the correct position. She was desperately trying to ignore the effect he had on her, his body being so close to hers and his breath against her ear as he spoke. "See where your fingers are? That's a C Major. And if you strum the strings…"

Elena ran her thumb over the strings and scrunched her nose as dull, tuneless sound filled the room, followed by Damon's laughter.

"Okay, you need to press the strings harder with your left hand. Don't let them slack. Now try again." He held her hand, showing the amount of pressure she needed to apply to the strings and settled his hand on her waist afterwards.

She played again and this time the guitar produced a clear C. "But that hurts my fingers!" The brunette pouted, and even though Damon couldn't see her face, he knew exactly what expression she was pulling.

"Hate to break it to you, but guitar hurts, darling." He murmured into her ear, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Maybe we should take a break there then." She retorted, but still didn't move from the position she was sitting. She would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying the contact.

"I didn't take you as a quitter, Elena."

"I'm not quitting, I'm just taking a break." She replied, leaning against him.

"Whatever you say, darling." A lopsided smile played on his lips.

His strong tattooed arms were placed softly on her waist and her skin felt like fire under his touch. She felt his breath against her neck, sending a shiver down her spine and a gentle moan from her lips. She closed her eyes and bit her tongue, hoping he hadn't heard.

But he had. And it was music to his ears.

He lowered his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her neck and she leaned into it, her eyes fluttering closed. Elena paused a moment before placing the guitar down and turning her head to look at Damon, wondering what he was thinking. He slowly reached out a hand and brushed back a stray strand of chocolate hair that had fallen into her face, as delicately as he could. She leaned into his hand slightly and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She watched him, searching those blue eyes, waiting for him to make another move. His hands were on the small of her back, his fingertips drawing absent minded circles on her soft skin while they held the gaze.

It felt like a lifetime, but in reality it was only a few seconds before Damon closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against hers. She easily melted into the kiss and snaked an arm around his neck, holding him to her. After a few moments, she pulled away, leaning her forehead against his.

"You're beautiful." He murmured and Elena's cheeks flared hot pink at the compliment.

"Kiss me again." She whispered, already far too lost in everything that was Damon.

And he did. The kiss was more urgent this time as he cupped her face in his hands and tangled his fingers in her hair, the long strands wrapping around his fingers. Elena turned her body so she was now facing him, almost straddling his lap and pressed her body into his as she kissed him. Her fingers slipped under the hem of his t-shirt and she ran her hands up his chest, gently raking her fingernails over the rippling muscles. Damon groaned into her mouth and this only spurred her on more, grinding against him, her hands touching every inch of skin she could. She felt him harden against her and knew she needed more, pulling away from the kiss to remove his shirt. She discarded the piece of fabric and leaned forward to claim his lips again but he stopped her.

"Slow down, baby." He panted, drinking in the sight of her. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were swollen, her hair was in total disarray, and she looked delicious. But he needed to make sure she was okay. That she wouldn't regret anything.

"Why?" She retorted, a puzzled look creeping across her face.

"I just...I don't know if this is a good idea." He moved a hand to cup her cheek but she pulled away.

"You don't want to?" She now felt silly throwing herself at Damon like this. But surely he had reciprocated?

"Fuck baby...trust me, I _want_ to." He brushed the hair out of her face and settled his hands on her hips.

"Then what's the problem? We've had sex before." She stated matter of factly, pursing her lips.

He let out a sigh and wet his lips. "Because I like you, Elena. And you're worth so much more than just meaningless sex. I don't want to end up hurting you."

Elena paused, searching his bright blue eyes. He _liked_ her? How on earth could he like the hot mess that she was. "You like me?"

Damon cupped her face, gazing into her chocolate orbs behind those thick lashes of hers. "Yes, I do. You're beautiful and funny and kind, and you deserve to be treated right." He paused for a moment, contemplating before continuing with a sigh. "And I don't exactly have a habit of doing that…"

"Damon," Now it was her turn to be serious. She hooked a finger under his chin, feeling his stubble tickling her fingertips. "You've been nothing but caring towards me. You've already done more than I could ever ask or want and I feel comfortable around you. And that says a lot."

His eyes dropped down to his lap, unable to keep eye contact with her, because when he did, he couldn't control himself. But right now, he needed to be the better person. "I just don't want to let you down. Because I know I inevitably will."

Sick of his stubbornness, Elena removed herself from his lap, still very aware he was topless before her. But she pushed all those thoughts from her mind because she needed to reason with him. "So what you're saying is you want to just be friends. Because you don't think you're _good_ enough for me?! You don't have the right to make that choice for me." She grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder, heading for the door.

"Elena, wait!" He jumped up from the couch, following her.

She span around to face him again, her lips in a tight line. "No Damon, I don't need to waste my time here."

She turned back around, reaching for the door handle but Damon grabbed her hand, pulling her back, her body colliding with his. "Fuck it." He muttered, placing his hand on the back of his neck and pressing his lips to hers in a hard, bruising kiss. Kissing Elena was wonderful, it lit sparks within him, but deep down he wanted, no _needed_ more. Because he remembered what it felt like to be inside of her. Touching every inch of her beautiful body. It was incredible. He'd sure been with his fair share of women but he'd never felt anything that before. And he wanted to do it again. Because once wasn't nearly enough.

And she actually let him kiss her, her bag slipping from her shoulder and dropping to the floor as he walked her backwards until they collided with the closed door. Once again, his hands were in her hair, gripping and pulling their bodies closer together. Elena lifted a leg, hooking it around his waist, desperate for some more friction, while slipping her tongue into his mouth. Her hands were all over his back, her nails grazing against the bare skin.

All too soon, she pulled away, her chest heaving as she fought to catch her breath. "I want this, Damon." She breathed, resting her forehead against his, erasing any doubts from his mind. She knew he did too and she'd be damned if she was going to let him back out of it again because he felt like he didn't deserve her. He didn't _know_ her. Not really. And he was the best thing to come into her life in a long time.

Damon didn't need another invitation. Holding her thigh and grabbing her other leg, he lifted her from the ground and walked them back to the couch, laying her down before climbing on top of her, only breaking the kiss to attack the soft skin on her neck and down her chest. Elena's head dropped back as a moan escaped her lips as he sucked on the sweet spot below her jaw. He ground his hips into hers so she could feel just how hard he was, desperate to remove those layers of fabric between them. Taking the opportunity, she grabbed his ass, bucking her hips against his, claiming his lips again in another searing kiss.

"Fuck baby." He growled, leaning back on his knees, running his hands down her body and settling at the waistband of her jeans, expertly popping the button and sliding them down her legs, revealing a pair of black lace panties. He ran a finger across the fabric and over her all too sensitive bundle of nerves, taking satisfaction in the way her body reacted to his touch. She arched her back, biting down on her lip and gripped onto the couch in attempt to ground herself but she was already too far gone.

Damon moved back up her body, attacking her neck with his lips, biting and sucking at the soft flesh, admiring the tiny marks that were already starting to appear. And just as she made a move to unbutton his jeans, already sick of the teasing, the front door flew open, revealing two guys standing in the frame. Elena scrambled, using Damon's body as a shield to cover her half naked body.

"Oh shit, sorry Damon." One guy said in a British accent, a smirk forming on his lips.

"What have I told you about knocking?" Damon sneered, clearly pissed at the situation.

"Hey, it's my place too, man!" The other guy defended, walking into the apartment, not caring that Damon was half naked with a girl under him.

"And we have that open mic slot in just over an hour." British guy added.

"Shit, what time is it?!" Damon jumped up, grabbing his shirt and tossing Elena her jeans in the process which she quickly slipped on without delay.

"Almost six thirty. Now, get your shit together, we need to get going soon. But first, you haven't introduced us…" He spoke, glancing over at Elena who was at least now fully dressed, if not a little dishevelled.

Damon rolled his eyes but proceeded anyway. "Elena, that's Enzo, our bassist," He pointed over to the British guy, "and that's Tyler, our drummer." He gestured over to the other guy. "Ty, Enzo, this is Elena."

"Hi…" Elena mumbled, blushing beet red, mortified at the situation in which they were meeting.

"Damn, Salvatore." Enzo smirked, glancing at Elena before turning back to Damon. "Now, go get ready. You have ten minutes. If we're late, they might not let us play and we need the exposure."

Damon nodded and headed to his room with Elena following, closing the door behind them. Elena buried her face in her hands, letting out a groan, flopping into the bed. "Well, that wasn't awkward at all."

"Trust me, they've seen a hell of a lot worse." Damon shrugged, stripping off his clothes to get changed.

Elena sat up, glaring at him. "Damon! They just caught us dry humping on the couch."

He walked over to her, pulling her up into his arms. "You were definitely not dry." He smirked, whispering the words into her ear which only reignited the fire within her. "And if they walked in a few minutes later, it would have been much worse."

Elena raised her eyebrows. "Oh yeah? How much worse?"

Damon pressed his lips against hers. "I'll just have to show you later. And finish what we started."

"I look forward to it." She murmured. And all too soon, Damon pulled away and grabbed a clean black shirt and slipped it over his head, covering his deliciously naked torso.

Elena scrunched up her nose. "I wish you didn't have to go."

"Me too. But I'll come over later, we're not finished here." Damon suggested, and Elena took that as a promise; she looked forward to it.

 **Please leave a little review and tell me what you thought! It really makes my day! Much love!**

 **-P x**


	8. Here Tonight

**A/N: Hello! So, here's a little update for you. It's on the short side but I think you are going to like it. And again, thank you for all the follows/favs/reviews! I honestly love reading every single one of them! Anyway, onward with the chapter and don't forget to tell me what you think!**

 **8: Here Tonight**

Elena pulled her phone out when she arrived back at her apartment and sighed at the broken screen. There was no way she could afford to get it fixed right now. She really needed to look for a job to be honest, because even with financial aid, she was struggling. She checked her notifications and saw a text from Bonnie, remembering the five missed calls she had left her friend this morning and quickly called her back. This morning seemed so long ago, she was practically a different person now, thanks to Damon's skills of distraction.

After a few rings, Bonnie picked up. "Elena! Are you okay? I'm so sorry I missed your call this morning."

"Hey Bon Bon. I'm fine, just a little meltdown at school but it was nothing. I'm okay now." Elena reassured her friend.

"Talk to me." As much as Elena said she was fine, Bonnie knew her friend better than that. She was prone to pushing things to the back of her mind where they inevitably blew up into something much bigger. A little meltdown for Elena was not _nothing._

Elena sighed and told Bonnie the entire story, right up until Damon coming to get her.

"Fuck." Bonnie exhaled and Elena nodded before realising her friend couldn't see her.

"Yeah. I fucked up." She vocalised, playing with a strand of her hair.

"You should probably talk to your professor." Her friend reasoned.

"Damon said the same thing." Elena sighed, realising she should probably do it, although she much preferred the idea of pretending it never happened. But walking back into that class was the last thing she wanted to do. She really wished her emotions hadn't have gotten the better of her.

"Who is this Damon?" Bonnie asked coyly, raising an eyebrow.

"Now _that_ is a complicated story." Elena breathed.

"I've got time." Her friend laughed, waiting for her to elaborate.

"So, I met him at a party. I know, Elena at a party, shock! We talked and danced and it was really nice. And then I saw him at another party the following week."

"You mean, you've been to _two_ parties? Damn, New York must be good for you!" Bonnie teased, knowing just how much effort it took to drag the girl to a party, let alone her willingly going to two in the span of a week.

"Shut up. Anyway, we danced and talked some more then kind of slept together…" She trailed off, waiting for her friends reaction.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Elena Gilbert?" Bonnie laughed, truly surprised.

"Very funny, Bonnie, but I really like him and it scares me." She laid back on her bed, letting out a deep sigh.

"It's okay to like someone, honey." Bonnie knew how hard it was for her to open up to someone. The girl hadn't told her a thing about her past during the first few months of friendship.

"He said he likes me too, but he doesn't do relationships. But he's been so nice and I'm scared. I really don't know how to let myself trust him." She hated how she was so guarded. It was probably her biggest flaw but she couldn't help it. Too many people had hurt her and broken her trust in her life, it was for her own protection.

"Oh sweetie. I know it's hard but it's okay to let yourself trust him. He sounds like a good guy from what you've told me."

"Have I ever told you I love you." Elena smiled.

"How about I come and see you this weekend? I only have a morning class on Friday so I could catch a flight straight after."

Elena broke out into a grin. "I'd love that. Let me know when your flight gets in and I'll come and pick you up from the airport."

"Sounds perfect. Now, it's past eleven where you are, get some sleep and I'll speak to you in the week." Bonnie suggested.

"Okay, probably a good idea. I love you."

"I love you too, Elena." Bonnie signed off, hanging up the phone.

Elena put the phone down and smiled to herself, really looking forward to the weekend now. She hadn't seen her friend in almost a month now and was having serious withdrawal symptoms, a weekend with Bonnie is just what she needed.

Elena was half asleep when she heard a knock on her door followed by a voice that was unmistakably Damon. She glanced over to her phone and reached for it to check the time, which took more effort that it should have. It was almost midnight. But then she remembered the promise Damon had made her and the corners of her mouth twitched into a smile. She forced herself into a standing position and made her way over to the door, opening it with one eyebrow raised, but she wasn't prepared for the sight before her.

Damon was slouched against the door frame, dressed so effortlessly, his hair tousled with his signature smirk plastered across that beautiful face of his. "What took you so long?" She asked, but it didn't come across annoyed. In fact, she was actually glad to see him and her playful smirk indicated that.

"I'm sorry, Lena. I got away as quick as I could." He pulled her body into his embrace and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I was kidding, Damon. Sort of." She added with a giggle, thinking about their situation right before he had to go play the gig. She had been so turned on before they were rudely interrupted. "How was it?"

"It's a Monday night, so we basically played to a dead crowd. If you can call a half empty bar a crowd." He chuckled.

"I'm sure it was still great." Elena sat down on her bed and gestured Damon to do the same.

"It could have been better. We're playing again at the weekend, you'll have to come then, if you like. I think Tyler has a girl coming so you wouldn't be sitting on your own."

"Actually, my friend Bonnie is coming to visit from Chicago this weekend. But we'll both come if she's up for it." Elena offered, looking at Damon.

"Of course, no pressure. There will be plenty if other gigs if you can't make this one." He reassured her and Elena's lips twitched into a smile.

If he was mentioning other gigs, did that mean that he wanted her to stick around? That thought both excited and terrified her, but right now she wanted only one thing. "Damon?" She asked lowly, gazing into the deep blue pools of his eyes. "Can we finish off what we started earlier?"

His eyes darkened as he watched her bite her bottom lip and pulled her straight into a kiss. That was all it took before she sank into him once again as he attacked her mouth. He laid her body back on the bed and crawled on top of her, careful not to crush her with his weight. Her body responded beautifully to his touch, squirming beneath him as he kissed her, his hands roaming freely. He lifted the hem of her shirt and broke the kiss only for a moment to pull the garment over her head. She did the same, tugging on the fabric of his t-shirt, pulling it from him and tossing it somewhere onto the floor, soon forgotten. Damon took the mound of her breast into his hand, massaging and teasing until her body was arching into his touch. He ground himself into her, showing just the effect she had on his body, kissing down her neck until she was moaning and biting her lip in pleasure.

Elena lifted her hips off the bed, desperate to feel some friction and to feel Damon _inside_ of her. She could already feel just how hard he was and if he didn't satisfy the ache between her legs soon, there would be hell to pay. There had already been far too much teasing today. Her hands made there way to his jeans, unbuttoning them and frantically sliding them past his hips, pulling off his boxers along with the jeans. Damon helped her, kicking them off and then his attention was back on the brunette splayed out on the bed before him. Her lips were swollen, her cheeks were flushed and she was simply beautiful. He wanted to take his time, to savour her body but they both needed more right now. He placed a kiss on her hip bone and pulled her shorts down, leaving them both completely naked. Crawling back up her body and placing a tender kiss against her lips, then pulled away, gazing deep into her eyes, asking permission for the final time, because once he was inside her, there was no stopping him.

It was as though she could read his mind because she answered his question without a moment of doubt. "I'm sure, Damon. I want this."

He smiled, pressing another kiss to her lips. "Condom?" He asked as an afterthought, cursing himself that he almost forgot something so important.

"I'm on birth control." She breathed.

Relief washed over him and he entered her all at once, feeling just _how_ ready she was for him. He let out a breathy moan and Elena's eyes rolled back in her head as he filled her completely. It took him a moment to actually start moving, enjoying the feeling of her around him too much, but when he did, he knew he wouldn't last long. And nor would Elena by the sounds of the moans and mewls erupting from her throat. He increased his pace as her fingertips clawed at his back and her walls started to clench around him. He sat back on his heels and lifted her legs over his shoulders, allowing him to hit her deeper. Elena cried out as he hit a spot inside of her, reaching new realms of pleasure she couldn't imagine even existed. And then she came undone, throwing her head back on the pillow, his name tumbling from her lips. Damon followed close behind, unable to hold on any longer at the sight of her beneath him. He collapsed on top of her, breathless and completely spent.

After a few moments, he rolled off her, simply staring at the ceiling, willing his breathing to return to normal. Not that it really ever did when Elena was in the vicinity. He turned her head to face her, observing her features before he spoke. "Are you okay?"

She turned her head to face him, a smile breaking out on her lips. "Yeah. I just don't think I can move." Her smile turned into a smirk as Damon raised his eyebrows.

"I guess that means I did a good job, then." He teased, rolling his body to face her.

"Cocky much?" She retorted, slapping his arm playfully.

Damon simply smirked, an expression that regularly made Elena weak at the knees. "Always."

"Just shut up and kiss me." She placed her hand on the side of his head and pulled his lips to hers. Right now, with Damon here tonight, was perfect. She didn't need to think about tomorrow or anything else but right now. Because, right now, she was happy.

 **Hit that little review button down there and make me smile! I love you all.**

 **-P x**


	9. Kiss Me

**A/N: I was so blocked trying to write this but I think I got there! Also, sorry it's on the short side but it needed to end where it did. Some interesting revelations in this one, I hope you enjoy!**

 **9: Kiss Me**

Elena was glowing. As she admired her reflection in the mirror after her shower, she couldn't help but notice the smile plastered across her face. It had been there all night and even after Damon had left this morning, it still hadn't budged. Last night had been perfect and everything she'd wanted. And she hadn't realised just _how_ much she'd wanted it until now. Damon hadn't pried about her scars either, which she was grateful for. Maybe she would open up to him if it developed into anything more, but for now she couldn't. Because she hated her marked and damaged body. Even though Damon wasn't repulsed by it, much like others had been in the past.

She towel dried her hair and slipped on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater and walked into the kitchen to get herself a cup of coffee. She grabbed a clean mug and started up the coffee machine and placed a couple of slices of bread in the toaster for her breakfast.

"Someone was getting busy last night." Rebekah smirked, her voice breaking the silence and causing Elena to jump out of her skin.

"You heard?" Elena blushed, willing the coffee machine to hurry up. This was not the sort of conversation she wanted to have right now, especially with Rebekah.

"Quite the screamer you are. I saw him leave this morning, but Salvatore, _really?_ " She moved past the brunette, helping herself to a bottle of water from the fridge.

She ignored the blonde's first comment but turned to face her when she mentioned Damon's name. "You know him?"

"I went to high school with him back in Virginia. But trust me, don't let yourself get too attached because he will break your heart." Rebekah shrugged, grabbing an apple and jumping up onto the kitchen counter, taking a bite.

Elena rolled her eyes and grabbed the toast as it popped up, buttering the slices. "Thanks for the advice, but I didn't ask for it."

"Just trust me when I tell you, I've watched him make his way through half the girls at school and no doubt he's done it here too. Why do you think he's prying on freshman meat, huh?"

Elena span around with her lips in a hard line. "Shut up, Rebekah." She snapped, grabbing her toast and coffee and returning to her room.

Well, _that_ had caused her smile to falter. She told herself not to let Rebekah get to her but the blonde's comments kept playing in her mind. Yes, Damon had mentioned to her that he wasn't the relationship type. Elena wasn't expecting that, but hearing his past from someone else sat uneasy with her. She ate her toast in silence, letting thoughts whirl around her mind and when she was finished, she picked up her plate and returned to the kitchen to put her plate in the sink, where she found Rebekah still there, now rolling a joint.

"Really?" Elena raised her eyebrows, shooting the girl a disapproving look. "It's 10am."

"Relax, I'm not smoking it in the apartment. Although, by the sounds of it, you could do with one." She smirked, wagging the joint in Elena's direction.

"No thanks." She answered.

"Suit yourself." The blonde jumped down from the counter and headed towards the balcony, flicking a lighter in one hand to test for a flame.

Elena sighed. "Wait...what do you know about Damon?" She asked, already regretting those words passing her lips. Did she really want to know? Surely it only mattered what Damon was like now, with her, but her overthinking mind couldn't help but need to know more.

Now in the living room, Rebekah turned around and perched herself on the edge of the couch. "So like I said, I met him in school. I moved to Virginia from England when I was fifteen, it was part way through the school year and I didn't know anyone. My brother, Elijah was a senior, like Damon, so that's how I got to know him. Fifteen year old me was too caught up in the fact that an older guy was giving her attention."

"You dated him then?" Elena interrupted. Then a thought crossed her mind. "Wait, have you _slept_ with him?"

"He took my virginity. Then dumped me." The blonde shrugged, pushing her hair back.

Elena stared at the girl, dumbfounded. She wasn't expecting that and now she didn't know _what_ to think. Yeah, she was definitely better off not knowing but that was no use now.

"I don't know, he might be different now. But just a warning, I don't want you sniveling over Damon Salvatore if he decides to dump your ass."

"Yeah, thanks Bekah." Elena mumbled, returning to her room once again. Her mind was reeling with the new information. Sure, that was Damon four years ago, but for some reason it still played on her mind. She had opened up to him, more than she had with anyone else and she didn't want that to just go away. He was her only friend in New York but this made her realise just how little she knew him. How could she hold so much trust in someone she hardly knew?

It was almost 7pm when Elena got home from class, later that day. She was exhausted from over thinking and the fact that she had gotten very little sleep the previous night. This morning she had been so happy but now she had remembered why she needed to keep her guard up. A little Damon detox would probably be good for her she mused, as she stalked towards her room, desperate to lay down. What she didn't expect, however, was to find Damon there, sprawled out on her bed, playing with her teddy bear.

"Hey!" He grinned, using the teddy's paw to wave at her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, dropping her bag on the floor and kicking her shoes off.

"Rebekah let me in, said you wouldn't be long. Plus, teddy here has been keeping me entertained." He explained. "Does teddy have a name?"

"Give me that." She grabbed the bear from him, hugging him to her chest and let a small smile pass her lips. "His name is Bear. Original, I know, but my dad gave him to me…" She trailed off, realising her guard was slipping.

Damon chuckled. "It's cute. Now, do I get to kiss you?" He reached out to her and pulled her towards him, sitting on the bed with Elena stood in front of him.

Elena couldn't help but giggle at his pout, pressing her lips to his for a moment before pulling away. "Damon, can I ask you something?"

"Anything." He replied, pulling her into his lap.

She put her hand round the back on his neck, settling into his lap, playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck. "Why me?"

He furrowed his brow, wrapping his arms around her waist. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you here with me, when you could be with anyone else?" She spoke softly. She still didn't understand why he was here with her. There were so many better girls out there, who didn't have scars all over their bodies or spent half their spare time having mental breakdowns.

"I told you. It's because you're beautiful, sweet and funny and I like spending time with you." He hooked his finger under her chin, kissing her softly.

Elena pulled away from the kiss after a moment, looking down, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. "So I'm not just the next in your long line of conquests?"

"Hey," He started, cupping her cheek. "What's brought all this on?"

"I spoke to Rebekah today. She had some...choice words to say about you." She looked down, playing with the hem of her shorts and found herself looking at the scars on her thighs. Some were still quite red and some had faded to a paler colour but they were still there. She hated them almost as much as the reasons that they were there.

"Oh." He sighed, beginning to understand. "And exactly did she say?"

"It doesn't matter." She shrugged, wiggling out of Damon's arms and standing up, walking to the other side of the room.

"Elena, if it bothers you, it matters." He sighed before continuing. "I was stupid back then, I didn't realise how young she was. And when her brother found out, he punched me and I broke it off with her. I'm sorry you had to find out like that, but it was years ago."

Elena turned around, folding her arms across her chest. "It's okay." She murmured, looking down. "I just don't know how to do this." She gestured between the two of them, looking back up at him.

Damon stood up and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "If I'm being absolutely honest with you, nor do I. I'm scared, Elena. Because I like you a lot. But we can figure it out together, if that's what you want."

She nodded, her big doe eyes meeting his bright blue pools. She exposed everything to him in that gaze, dropping her guard; everything she had sworn she wouldn't do. But the way he looked at her, she couldn't help it. Because he already had the capacity to break her heart, but she hadn't quite realised it yet.

"Stay with me tonight?" She whispered, reaching up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. It was slow and tender and everything she needed right now. He kissed her back, holding her close and she wrapped her arms around his neck, never wanting to let go.

 **I hope you enjoyed and if you did (or even if you didn't), leave me a little review. Ideas are always welcome! Lots of love!**

 **-P x**


	10. Fly Over States

**A/N: I am so, so sorry for the wait with this story! I've been blocked for so long and I just couldn't find the inspiration to finish the chapter but I finally did it. I'm also sorry it's short, I could work on it longer or re-write it but that would make the wait even longer so I thought I should just go ahead and post it. Also, thank you for your support, I hope it's not too terrible and you enjoy!**

 **10: Fly Over States**

"So, you've had us walking everywhere, yet you've had a car the whole time?" Elena mused, raising her eyebrows at Damon, climbing into the cerulean blue Camaro.

Damon had offered to drive Elena to the airport to pick Bonnie up and she had gladly accepted, because the alternative would have been two rather expensive taxi journeys and she knew what she preferred. Plus, spending an hour in a car with Damon seemed like a far better option than sitting in awkward silence with a strange taxi driver. The past few days, they had spent so much time talking and getting to know each other. They both were afraid of the relationship label, but their connection was undeniable. So they had agreed to take things one step at a time and just continue what they were doing. Because Elena knew she couldn't commit one hundred percent until she told him everything, and she wasn't ready to do that, no matter how much she trusted Damon.

"Have you tried driving around New York City?" He asked rhetorically, raising his eyebrows at her and climbing into the driver's seat. "So, how long is your friend staying for?"

"Just the weekend. She flies back Monday morning. Why?" She questioned, raising her own eyebrows at him.

"No reason." He replied, putting his keys in the ignition and starting the engine.

"You can stay over Monday night." She told him, knowing that having Bonnie stay over meant that they wouldn't be able to share a bed the whole weekend; something that had been doing frequently this past week.

"But that's three nights away." He pouted and Elena couldn't help but lean over and kiss those lips.

She pulled away and smiled. "You'll just have to wait."

Damon groaned and pulled out the parking space, starting the drive to the airport. "But I don't wanna wait."

"Tough." She smirked at him.

"So, how was your class today?" Damon asked, changing the subject. It was crazy to think that a month ago he didn't even know Elena and now he couldn't get enough of her. He even agreed to drive her to the airport, despite the fact that he hated city traffic, just so he could spend some time with her.

"Awful." She mumbled in reply, playing with her fingers. "Alaric Saltzman has asked the campus councillor to meet with me."

"Really?"

"I'm furious."

"Is he allowed to do that?" He asked, glancing across at Elena.

She shrugged. "Apparently so."

They sat in silence for several minutes before Damon spoke again. "Are you going to go?"

"I don't know. I've spoken so, so many therapists and councillors over the years and I don't want to bring things up again. I just… I'm so _angry_!" And she was. She was just reeling at the thought of it, and the more the thought, the angrier she got.

Dan reached over and placed his hand on her knee while he kept the other on the wheel. "Wanna talk about something else?" She nodded. "Okay, are you coming to our open mic tomorrow night?"

"I spoke to Bonnie last night, and she said she's up for it, so yes. Plus, I think I need a drink." She added as an afterthought.

Damon chuckled. "I think I can arrange a few drinks for you, miss not-twenty-one-yet."

"Shut up." She retorted, letting a smile creep across her lips.

For the rest of the drive they chatted and joked, Damon having successfully cheered Elena up. They parked at the airport and got out of the car, heading towards the arrivals gate at the terminal. Elena was beyond excited; she hadn't seen her best friend in what felt like forever and she desperately needed this weekend. As they stood waiting, she was practically bouncing up and down in anticipation, watching as people walked out to greet their loved ones, keeping an eye out for one specific dark skinned girl.

The second she spotted Bonnie, Elena darted forward, running towards her friend and embracing her in the biggest hug she could, sending Bonnie's bag falling to the floor. Damon just stood back and watched the two friends reunite. He loved to see Elena this happy and if that meant giving her up for a weekend, he could do it. Plus, if she wanted to talk, surely her best friend was the right person to listen?

"Oh my god, Elena, you're squishing me." Bonnie squeaked as her friend pinned her in a hug.

She finally let her go, grinning from ear to ear. "Sorry, I needed my Bonnie hug."

"It's fine." She giggled, picking up her bag again. "So, are we getting a taxi to yours?"

"Actually, Damon drove." She gestured over to where he was standing, leading Bonnie over to him. "Bon, this is Damon. Damon, Bonnie."

"Hey." He greeted, offering his hand to shake.

"Nice to meet you, Damon. I've heard a lot about you." She shook his hand and sent a knowing look to Elena.

"Oh god, that doesn't sound good." He chuckled. "Here, let me take your bag."

"It was good things." She assured him, laughing.

"Okay, let's go to the car before things get awkward." Elena interjected, leading her friend to the car park. Damon held back, allowing the friends time to catch up.

"You never told me he was yummy." Bonnie whispered, nudging Elena's arm.

The brunette simply replied with a glare in her friend's direction.

"What? I'm just stating facts. Anyway, I like him. I approve."

"You've only just met him."

"It's a vibe. He gives me a good vibe."

"Because he's _yummy_?" Elena taunted.

"No! People just give off a vibe and I'm usually right about it. Just call me psychic." She grinned smugly.

"Oh, I've missed you." Elena grinned back, hugging her friend again.

The two friend spent the rest of the evening catching up and exchanging college stories and basically filling in gaps on what the other had missed. Elena shared how life with her dysfunctional housemates was and everything about Damon, after Bonnie had begged three times. In return, Bonnie told her about how she was finding Chicago University, or more like how she was _not_ enjoying it, and how her Dad and her Grams were doing. This went on for hours until they both fell asleep, much like they have before when Elena used to sleep over. It was so much like old times and Elena went to sleep with a smile on her face.

The next day, the girls explored New York City. They visited all the cliché landmarks, which were also mostly first time visits for Elena. Even though she had been living in the city for a little over a month, she was still yet to explore the place properly. I guess it's not very fun to walk around by yourself, but with Bonnie, she was having a blast. They stood on top of the Empire State building, gazing across of at the vast city and simply took it all in.

"I want to live here." Bonnie whispered as she got lost in the breath-taking view.

Elena's lips twitched into a smile, looking at her best friend. "Move here then."

"But college…"

"You hate it."

"My dad and Grams…"

"Will still be there to visit whenever you want."

"Elena…" Bonnie started, her eyes meeting with Elena's.

"Why not?" She asked, her smile turning into a grin.

"I'll think about it." She stated, turning her head to look back out at the city, but the idea had her grinning. She was definitely going to look into transferring to NYU when she got home. Maybe. If she could do it. And if her family would let her.

Damon strummed the chords on his guitar as he went over the set list for tonight's gig. He was excited, Elena was going to see him play properly, but he was also worried. What was Elena and her friend going to think of him and his band? He never invited girls to watch him. Sure, they always showed up but he never openly invited them. Not like he did with Elena.

Usually, he'd check the set list, go over the songs once and he was good to go. But he'd been in his bedroom, playing his guitar for almost two hours and he was only halfway through. God, what was this girl doing to him. He didn't get attached, he didn't catch feelings, but Elena had somehow crawled into his life and there was no shaking her. Not that he wanted to, anyway.

As his phone buzzed, he looked over his shoulder and saw Elena's name show up on the screen. He couldn't help the schoolboy grin that crept over his lips as he rested his guitar on the floor, picking up his phone.

 **Elena Gilbert:** _Getting ready now, can't wait to see you! But what sort of thing should we wear?_

He chuckled to himself as he read the message. _Girls, right?_ He shot back a reply and picked up his guitar again, starting to play something else that wasn't on the set for this evening.

 **Damon Salvatore:** _I'd suggest clothes. Or I won't be held accountable for my actions. But in all seriousness, jeans are fine. It's pretty casual there. But you'll look pretty whatever you wear._

His fingers plucked the strings and he began to sing softly to himself. It wasn't anything that was finished, but he had been playing with some lyrics recently and wanted to test them out.

" _I might be drinking_

 _At a bar down the street_

 _I might be listening_

 _To some song on repeat_

 _I might be in my bed_

 _But I won't be asleep_

 _Don't you worry 'bout me_

 _You ain't gonna wake me up_

 _Call me up when you're lonely_

 _You ain't gonna wake me up_

 _'Cause I'm up and I'm only_

 _Thinkin' about waking up with you_

 _I miss you, I wish you'd_

 _Come on and drive me crazy_

 _It ain't ever too late baby_

 _You ain't gonna wake me up"_

 **The next chapter will pick up from the open mic night. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I've also made a twitter page where I'll post live updates and we can also fangirl together. It's bourbonstreet0 so go follow that!**

 **Please review because they make me smile and also follow this story so you get notified when I update. Love you all!**

 **-P x**


	11. Over Did It?

**A/N: What is this? A new chapter?! I am so sorry for the delayed update and if you are still reading, thank you! I've started a new job and I'm performing six shows a week and honestly, it has killed me off, leaving me no time to write. But I haven't abandoned you, I promise, updates just might take a bit longer. Anyway, this chapter is the Open Mic night you have all been waiting for, I hope you enjoy!**

 **11:** _ **Over Did It?**_

As Bonnie and Elena entered the bar, they could hear a female vocalist singing a soft acoustic number as she strummed away at her guitar. Elena's eyes scanned the room for Damon, ready to make good on his promise of a drink. She spotted Tyler and Enzo unpacking their equipment as they waited for the singer to finish her set. She decided not to go over and wait for Damon instead, remembering the last time his friends had seen her, she was practically naked. Yeah, she at least needed a few drinks in her before she could deal with that.

She had another glance across the room and spotted him at the bar, looking like he was buying some blonde girl a drink. Her heart sunk a little at the sight, but she sucked in all the courage she had, linked arms with Bonnie and walked over to the bar. Of course, they had never said they were exclusive and he had every right to talk to whoever he wanted. She knew his reputation when she had started seeing him, but that still didn't mean it didn't hurt to see him chatting to other girls.

"Hey." She greeted, forcing a smile.

He turned to look at her when he heard her voice and his face lit up. God, she looked stunning dressed in a pair of tight black jeans and a cropped AC/DC t-shirt that showed just enough skin. And he wouldn't be able to take it off later because of _Bonnie._

"Hey yourself." He replied, pecking her lips briefly. "Oh, I almost forgot. This is Caroline, Tylers date. Caroline, this is Elena and her friend Bonnie."

 _Oh._

Elena blew out a breath, realising she was jumping to conclusions. She extended her hand to Caroline but the girl pulled her straight in for a hug before doing the same with Bonnie.

"It's nice to finally have some girls around. The testosterone was getting too much." The blonde giggled, sipping on her pink cocktail.

"Watch it, Blondie, or that's the last drink I buy for you." Damon warned playfully.

"I guess I'll go find Tyler then." She stuck her tongue out at him and walked over to where the guys were setting up.

"So that's Caroline, huh?" Elena raised her eyebrows and glanced over at Bonnie who was fighting back a giggle.

"Right ladies, pick your poison." Damon spoke, changing the subject.

A little while later, the three girls were sat on bar stools around a small table, sipping their drinks. Caroline's pink drink turned out to be a raspberry gin cocktail, which Bonnie also ordered. Elena ordered a whiskey sour, much to Damon's disgust; he claimed she was tainting perfectly good bourbon, to which she replied by flipping him off and sticking her tongue out at him. That earned her the same threat he gave Caroline, but she simply kissed him and was quickly forgiven.

The music started and Elena was drawn to Damon as he effortlessly played, while he and Enzo shared vocals and Tyler played the drums behind them.

" _Half your life you struggle_

 _Half your life you fly_

 _Half your life makin' trouble_

 _Half your life makin' it right_

 _One day I'm the exception_

 _Most days I'm just like most_

 _Some days I'm headed in the right direction_

 _And some days I ain't even close_

 _I'm a little bit steady but still little bit rollin' stone_

 _I'm a little bit heaven but still a little bit flesh-and-bone_

 _Little found, little don't-know-where-I-am_

 _I'm a little bit holy water but still a little bit burning man_

 _Burning man yeah"_

Enzo took the second verse before they came together again for the chorus, their voices harmonising together beautifully. She now understood how they always had girls falling at their feet when they played together. I mean, they're attractive and they're _really_ good.

" _I always loved the highway_

 _I just don't run it as fast_

 _I still go wherever the wind blows me_

 _But I always find my way back_

 _I still don't get it right sometimes_

 _I just don't get it as wrong_

 _I still go a little bit crazy sometimes_

 _Yeah, but now I don't stay near as long_

 _I'm a little bit steady but still little bit rollin' stone_

 _I'm a little bit heaven but still a little bit flesh-and-bone_

 _Little found, little don't-know-where-I-am_

 _I'm a little bit holy water but still a little bit burning man_

 _Burning man_

 _Still just a burn, burn, burning man_

 _Just a burning man"_

Elena couldn't keep her eyes off Damon when he broke into his guitar solo and owned the entire room. She couldn't believe how unbelievably talented he was; they all were, but Damon was incredible.

" _Maybe I'll go to the desert_

 _Find myself in the Joshua Tree_

 _If we pass in the night then just hand me a light_

 _And tell me you burned just like me_

 _I'm a little bit steady but still little bit rollin' stone_

 _I'm a little bit heaven but still a little bit flesh-and-bone_

 _Little found, little don't-know-where-I-am_

 _I'm a little bit holy water but still a little bit burning man_

 _Burning man_

 _Still just a burn, burn, burning man_

 _Just a burning man"_

As the song finished, she clapped her hands, cheering. She caught Damon wink at her and she grinned back, cheering louder.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming out tonight." Damon spoke into the mic. "We're Moon Whiskey, our next song is called Hooked and it goes like this." The next song started and Caroline returned from the bar with another round of drinks in her hands. Elena and Bonnie hadn't even realised she disappeared.

"So, the drummer is Tyler, right?" Bonnie asked, leaning over to speak into Elena's ear. "Caroline's boyfriend?"

Elena nodded, taking a sip of her drink. A tequila sunrise, apparently. "And the other guy on bass is Enzo."

"The british guy? What's his story?" She asked with a coy smile.

"Bonnie Bennett, do you like him?" Elena teased, nudging her friend.

"I mean, he's not bad to look at." She giggled, sipping her own drink.

"What are you two giggling at?" Caroline interjected, leaning over to the two brunettes.

"Bonnie has the hots for Enzo." Elena blabbed, ducking away from her friend before she could slap her arm.

"Well, he's not seeing anyone." The blonde wagged her eyebrows.

"Whatever you're thinking, no." Bonnie warned the blonde.

Caroline simply smiled, going back to her own drink. "We'll see if a few more drinks change your mind."

Six drinks. Thats how many it took before Bonnie agreed to let Caroline introduce her to Enzo. And six drinks was also what it took before Caroline convinced Elena that tequila shots were a good idea. So as the band played their last song of the set, the three girls were throwing back shots and dancing along to the music.

" _The way you look, the way I feel_

 _The way you move me standing still_

 _Say the word, you know I will_

 _You know I will_

 _I get chills_

 _When I see you on Friday night_

 _Steppin' out on the porch in the moonlight, so fine_

 _If you got time, I got time girl_

 _'Cause I get chills_

 _Downtown and we skip the line_

 _And I watch you dance in the party lights, so fine_

 _'Cause you're mine, all mine girl_

 _Yeah, I get chills, oh woah_

 _Yeah, I get chills, oh woah_

 _I get chills_

' _Cause I get chills"_

Moon Whiskey's final song of the evening ended and the whole bar erupted in cheers and applause, the loudest probably coming from Elena who was more than a little drunk by now, thanks to Caroline and the steady flow of alcohol she kept returning from the bar with. When the boys came down from the stage, Caroline swiftly pulled Bonnie away to introduce her to Enzo, which left Elena to go over to greet Damon.

"I have to say, you're pretty damn good." She giggled once she was standing in front of him.

"So, the whole 'I'm in a band' thing _does_ appeal to you, huh?" He teased, cocking his head to the side.

"Shut up." She retorted, reaching up on her tiptoes and placing a kiss against his lips.

He kissed her back right away before pulling away. "You taste like tequila."

"Blame Caroline."

Damon nodded in understanding. "In that case," he grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the bar, "I need to play catch up."

An hour later drinks were flowing and their night was accompanied by music playing from the speakers. Elena, Bonnie and Caroline were dancing in a way that was not PG in any sense of the word, but the guys didn't have the heart to stop them. After all, it was quite pleasing to watch. The owner of the bar had agreed to look after their equipment overnight so they didn't have to worry about lugging it home in their intoxicated state, which meant they were free to let the night go wherever it took them.

As the song ended and another started, Damon walked over to where Elena was dancing and pulled her to him, holding her hips either side as she moved with him. She looped her arms around his neck, leaning into his frame and pressing as much of her body against him as she could. Everything felt good when he was around her, like nothing could touch her. And she couldn't get enough of that feeling; she couldn't get enough of _him_. He dipped his head to kiss her and she responded like putty in his hands, parting her lips and letting out a low hum when he felt his tongue against hers. That just egged him on further, his hands slipping under the fabric of her shirt, roaming over the smooth skin of her back. She arched into him, tugging at his hair, unaware of how quickly this was escalating until she heard someone clear their throat next to them.

"Want to get a room?" Caroline spoke with a smirk on her lips, drawing them back to reality with a thud.

They both turned their heads, glaring at the blonde in unison.

"We're going to get another round of drinks, you want in?"

Damon nodded, stepping apart from Elena so there was at least a couple of inches between their two bodies. "Sure...but no tequila!" He called out but the blonde was already walking away, grinning to herself.

"What's wrong with tequila?" Elena asked, feigning a hurt look.

"It's not bourbon." He answered with a pout which Elena kissed away briefly, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bar and the rest of the group.

When they reached the bar, it didn't go unnoticed by Elena how Enzo had his arms wrapped around Bonnie and his chin perched on her shoulder as he watched the bartender pour their drinks. She decided to leave them to it; Bonnie seemed to be having a good time, but her friend was _definitely_ going to be spilling the details later. All she knew about the guy was that he was Damon's best friend and that was evident in the chemistry they shared on stage as they played and sang together, but apart from that, that was all she knew.

Tyler picked up a tray with twelve shots on it and lead them over to a table, instructing them to take a seat. His idea of another round had turned into a game. Shot roulette to be exact, but his rules were different. On the tray were twelve shots, all different liqueurs. You spun the tray, which worked very well, thanks to its warped bottom, and someone asked you a question. You either answered the question or took the shot nearest to you as a forfeit. Everyone was on board and they began to play the game.

Tyler spun the tray first and a moment later, Damon piped up, asking a question, his signature smirk plastered across his face. "Rate me on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the hottest."

"Really, Damon?" Tyler raised his eyebrows. "For that dumbass question, you get a one. And even that's too high."

"Rude." Damon replied, swigging his bourbon.

Elena leaned over towards him, speaking into his ear. "I disagree. You're definitely a firm eleven."

"And you're definitely drunk, but I'll take it." He grinned at her than spun the tray, taking his turn.

"Who's better in bed, Elena or Caroline?" Enzo asked, waiting for an answer.

"Not answering that." Damon reached for the shot of amber liquid in front of him and tipped his head back, letting the liquid pour down his throat. He placed the empty shot glass down on the table and smacked his lips. "Mmm, bourbon."

Enzo ignored the daggers Caroline and Damon shot at him. Either that or he didn't even notice in the drunken state that he was. Elena looked at Damon in confusion then across to Caroline. She looked back at Damon, asking what was bugging her. "You've slept with Caroline?"

"It was ages ago, never anything serious, right Blondie?" It was obvious he didn't want Elena finding out about his past sexual endeavors while they were in public, drunk and one of them was sitting at the table. But Enzo's big mouth meant otherwise.

Caroline nodded, shrugging. "It was nothing." She said to Elena in attempt to reassure her.

"Right, my turn." Elena span the tray, waiting for her question. It wasn't her turn but she wanted to change the subject quickly.

"Okay Elena, to make Damon feel better, what's your biggest sexual regret?" Caroline asked.

Elena didn't answer, she just picked up a shot and threw it back, swallowing the burning liquid. It was some sort of dark rum and it felt like fire in her throat, but it helped. She stood up, excusing herself to the bathroom and disappeared. First Rebekah, now Caroline. Her mind was reeling. And well, her biggest regret haunted her every day.

His hands on her body as she begged him to stop, but he never did. She wished she'd done something; stood up for herself but she didn't. She just let him. She knew him, she _trusted_ him and he did this to her and she would never forgive herself for it.

As the memories and images flooded her mind, she felt the familiar churning in her stomach and rushed to a toilet cubicle, collapsing to her knees as she threw up everything she had drunk that night and sobbed for everything she had lost.

 **Please review, it's what keeps me going! Much love,**

 **-P x**


	12. Drunk Me

**A/N: Huh? What's this? An update?! You bet it is. So, long story short, I'm working abroad and doing six shows a week and have next to no free time to write. I've written this chapter in little bits here and there, it's not what I originally planned but I think I like this version better. There's also a new character being introduced very soon and I'm so excited to see how you'll all react! *evil laughter***

 **Also thank you SO MUCH for the continued support I've had on this story and for bearing with my lack of updates. I promise I'm not abandoning you, I'll just be a little slow until I get home in November. And to the new readers, hello there and thank you for your lovely reviews! I love you all and hope you enjoy the chapter.**

 **12:** _ **Drunk Me**_

Bonnie watched as her best friend left the room, barely able to walk in a straight line. She could hardly process what had just happened. One minute they were all laughing and the next, inappropriate questions were being thrown around, which Elena had clearly been on the receiving end of them all. She was furious; drunk or not, they had no right to say what they did. She stood up to go after Elena, but Damon was already ahead of her so she followed him and stood at the doorway of the bathroom as he went in.

"Lena?" He spoke as he knocked on the bathroom cubicle. His only reply was muffled sobs so he opened up the door.

And there she was, curled on the floor with her head on the toilet seat, her knuckles white as she dug her fingernails into her palms and her eyes squeezed shut trying to stop the tears from flowing.

"Elena?" He said again but still didn't get any response from her. Bonnie came forward and attempted to pick Elena up but Damon stopped her before she injured herself. Elena wasn't heavy in the slightest but as a dead weight, she would be impossible for the petite girl to carry.

"Bonnie, I can deal with this." Damon told her, scooping Elena up into his arms, but Bonnie shook her head.

"I should probably get her back to her apartment, you don't know how she gets…if you can just help me get her into a taxi." The dark girl mumbled, picking up Elena's purse from the bathroom floor and slinging it over her shoulder, along with her own.

Damon swallowed thickly. "Actually, I do. But my place is round the corner and no taxi will take her in this state."

"You mean…" Her eyes widened in disbelief. "You've seen her like this?" Of all the times Bonnie had needed to look after her friend, it had never been good. Alcohol poisoning, overdoses, getting so wasted she couldn't walk or tell anyone where she was. Bonnie had been there for her on every occasion, and she didn't mind, because it meant she knew that her best friend was safe. Even if the only help she could provide was holding her hair back or driving her to the hospital. It was the least she could do; it was her duty as a best friend. Because if she didn't do it, there was no one else that would.

Damon screwed his eyes shut, trying to erase the image from his memory. "I walked in on her covered in her own blood. She was high...I don't know how much she took but then she took off and I found her like...that." He turned and looked at the girl, still holding Elena. "Bonnie, what happened to her?"

She nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry you had to see her that way, but It's not my place to tell you. When she's ready, she might tell you, but…" she screwed her eyes up, shaking her head some more as she remembered the night Elena has shared her deepest and darkest secrets with her. She'd cried; they both had. And Damon had just confirmed her suspicions; she was cutting again.

"Okay, if you could open the doors for me, I can carry her. Let's just get her outside, then we can figure out how to get her home." Damon suggested and Bonnie obliged, opening the bathroom door. He walked straight past his friend, not sparing them a glance and out of the bar, onto the sidewalk.

Twenty minutes later, after what should only have been a five minute walk, they made it back to Damon's apartment, surprised it didn't take longer, having to stop every five seconds while Elena threw up. He took Elena to his room, helped her undress and put one of his t-shirts on her before placing the bin next to the bed in case she needed to throw up again. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before walking towards the door. As soon as his fingers touched the door handle, he heard Elena speak.

"Why does everybody leave me?" Elena croaked, looking up at Damon with watery eyes.

"I'm not. I'm not leaving, Lena and nor is Bonnie. I'll just be right outside." He replied, giving her a lopsided smile.

"My mom and dad didn't want me..my brother and sister left me...Liam's gone. Don't leave me, Damon, I don't want to be alone." She choked through sobs.

Damon turned and walked back towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it next to Elena. "Baby, I'm not leaving. What's going on?" He wiped a tear from her cheek and tucked a strand of chocolate hair behind her ear.

"I haven't seen my brother or sister since I was nine...I have no idea where they are or what they're doing...but I'm never going to see Liam again." She spoke through sobs, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Who's Liam?" He knew he should probably wait until she was sober to be asking these questions, but he needed to know. He had to know what horrific things plagued the mind of this gorgeous brunette he was falling for. _That_ thought terrified him; that he was falling for her, but he had to be there for her. He wanted to help.

"It was my fault…" She cried, hardly making sense.

"Did this Liam hurt you?" He asked, trying to piece the information together but Elena shook her head.

"Liam never hurt me. He loved me. He protected me, but he's gone now. He can't protect me anymore." She spoke through more sobs, tucking her legs up and burying her face in the pillow.

"I can protect you, Lena. No one is going to hurt you again." Damon started rubbing soothing circles on her back in attempt to lull her to sleep. She was barely stringing coherent sentences together and he didn't want her to get any more worked up than she already was. Her drunken ramblings had only left him with more questions about her past than he had before.

When her breathing finally evened out and he was sure she was asleep, Damon stood up and left the room, carefully closing the door behind him as not to wake her. He grabbed a bottle of bourbon from the kitchen along with two glasses and went to sit next to Bonnie on the couch. He poured them both a drink, letting out a deep sigh and taking a long swig of amber liquid.

"What am I doing?" He breathed. The question was more aimed at himself rather than anyone in particular.

"Do you love her?" Bonnie asked, watching him as he toyed with the glass of bourbon in his hands.

Damon shrugged. "I don't know."

"Elena's a special girl. But you have to give her everything or walk away now. She's lost too many people; breaking her heart could destroy her. She trusts you, don't let her down."

"I won't." Damon nodded, taking a long swig of his drink before standing up and grabbing a blanket and pillow from the cupboard. "Will you be alright on the couch? Bathroom is just through there and help yourself to water or whatever you need. I'm gonna go and try and get some sleep."

"I'll be fine. Goodnight Damon." She placed the pillow on the end of the couch, kicked her shoes off and crawled under the blanket. It worried Bonnie, not being able to be there for Elena all the time. Yes, she was only a phone call or Facetime away, but it wasn't the same as being _there._ The fears she had when she first found out her best friend would be moving away to New York were coming true. But after Elena had been offered a half scholarship to NYU and the rest of her tuition would be paid by financial aid, she _had_ to accept. Otherwise she would have had no chance of getting a college education. But with Elena being alone in a new city, a relapse was inevitable. And it was only just beginning; she just hoped Damon would be enough to keep her grounded. She turned over and tried to switch her mind off, hoping sleep would soon take over.

Once Damon was in his room, he stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed, turning to face Elena. He could just about make out the silhouette of her features, highlighted by the moonlight peeking its way through the window. He watched her sleep peacefully for a while until the sound of her voice brought her out of his trance.

"Damon?" She croaked.

"Right here." He replied, pulling her into his embrace and placing a tender kiss on her head.

She let out a gentle exhale and drifted back to sleep while Damon held her. Only when he was sure she was fully asleep, he let himself succumb to his own exhaustion and drifted off himself.


	13. Better Off Gone

**A/N: Uhm, hi. So I kinda left you in the lurch a little bit there, didn't I? I'm sorry. Life got in the way but I bring you a new, long awaited chapter! This was actually written a while ago and never finished. It's much shorter than originally planned but I wanted to give you something. I hope there are some of you still wanting to read this out there, please let me know in a review, it means a lot! And stay safe and healthy!**

 **TW: Self harm and suicide. Read with caution.**

 **13:** _ **Better Off Gone**_

Elena awoke to a severe dull thudding in her head. Her throat was sore and every muscle in her body ached. Her mouth was dry and she needed water and some painkillers immediately. Rolling over, she quickly noticed the other side of the bed was empty; Damon wasn't there. She crawled out of bed and made her way into the living room, rubbing her eyes. The bright light wasn't doing anything for her headache.

Bonnie and Damon were sitting on the couch watching something on TV when Elena emerged. "What time is it?" The brunette asked, walking towards the kitchen.

"Four thirty." Bonnie replied.

She turned back around, shocked at the time. "You mean I slept all day?!" Elena replied, rubbing her temples in an attempt to soothe the ache in her head.

"You must have needed it." Bonnie suggested. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, Bon." She gave a half hearted laugh. "Damon, have you got any painkillers?"

Damon stood up from where he was sitting on the couch and followed Elena into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water, downing about half of it while Damon searched for some painkillers. Finally he found some and gave her two tablets which she gladly accepted, popping them in her mouth and following them with the rest of the glass of water.

"Elena, you scared me last night. I don't think I would have known what to do if Bonnie wasn't here. What happened, baby?" He asked, taking in her appearance, clad in only his t-shirt which fell down to her mid thigh on her slender frame and some underwear. Her hair was a mess and he was sure she didn't feel any better than she looked, the dark circles and smudged makeup under her eyes a tell tale sign. He was just glad she was okay.

"I don't remember leaving the bar last night…" She pushed back her brunette tresses from her face, trying desperately to recollect the events of the previous night.

"No, I mean what happened to you? I really care about you, but I can't do this if I don't know what's going on." The expression on his face was pained. He was torn. This beautiful girl was wonderful and he loved spending time with her but she was in pain and he hated to see her that way.

"So then it's over?" Elena asked, looking up at him with those big doe eyes of hers. She looked like she was about to cry and that was the last thing Damon ever wanted to do.

"No! I don't mean that...I mean...look, I want to help." He moved over to her, brushing a few strands of hair out of her face.

She shook her head, backing away from him. "You can't help me damon. Don't think you can fix me. I'm not your project."

Damon sighed. "Elena, that's not what I meant. I just want you to know that you can talk to me if you need to. Whenever. It's up to you."

"Okay." Elena nodded.

"Or you could speak to the therapist at school? You still have that appointment." He suggested, handing her some painkillers and a glass of water.

"Seriously, Damon?" The brunette started, raising her voice a little. "I already made it clear I'm not going."

"Elena, we think you should take the appointment. I know you think Alaric broke your trust by going behind your back but he only did it because he means well."

"We!? Who's we?" She questioned, feeling her blood start to boil.

"Bonnie and I have been talking and we don't think it would be a bad idea if you had some support…"

Elena barely let Damon finish before she screeched Bonnie's name, summoning her into the kitchen. "So you think I'm so fucked up I need to go back to a therapist too?"

"Elena, you know I don't think you're fucked up. I just think you could do with some support." Her friend softly spoke, taking her hands in her own but Elena simply pulled away.

"I trusted you, Bonnie!" She cracked, tears beginning to spill down her cheeks. "And now you're telling Damon all my shit?"

"Lena, I never said anything…" Bonnie defended but Elena cut her off.

"Fuck you. Fuck you both!" She screamed, storming out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, slamming the door firmly and locking it behind her. She slumped down on the floor, giving into the choking sobs that wracked her body, her hands fisting her hair, pulling at it in attempt to try and feel something, _anything._

She could hear Damon and Bonnie knocking on the bathroom door but she ignored it, blocking their calls out. _I am fucking crazy,_ she thought. _My parents were crazy and now I'm crazy._ She ignored her friend's begs and pleads for her to open the door. They weren't even registering with her right now. She was numb to her very core; she longed to feel something, _anything._

She scrambled to a standing position and opened up the cupboard above the sink. Her fingers wrapped around a razor as she picked it up and held it in her hands. She worked as if on autopilot, snapping the plastic to release the blades from their casing and before long she had the metal blade between her fingertips. She gripped the rim of the porcelain sink and tried to steady her hands. "One last time." She whispered to herself. One. Last. Time.

The blade hovered above her arm for a second before it touched her skin, growing pressure as she dragged the metal along her forearm. She watched the blood pool at the surface of her skin, almost hypnotised by it. It felt _good_ but it wasn't enough.

She made another incision, then another and _another_ until blood was dripping down her hand and from her fingertips onto the tiled floor. Large blobs of bright red by her feet. The blood ran and ran and she watched it, staring into its abyss.

Until her eye caught the bottle of pills on the top shelf. She reached for the bottle, blood transferring from the fingers to the label where she could just about read it.

 _Lorenzo St John. Codeine 30mg. One to be taken every 4 hours for pain as needed._

She shook a handful of pills into her palm, tipping them into her mouth and followed them with a handful of water from the faucet.

She dropped back to the floor, leaning against the bathroom door and closed her eyes. Maybe the world was better off without her.

Bonnie looked at Damon with such a glare, he thought she might kill him right there. "I need you to open that door for me, right now. Because if anything happens to my best friend, I swear to god…"

Damon didn't need her to finish that sentence. He was already searching the closet for his toolbox to unscrew the lock from the door so that he could force it open.

"Elena!" Bonnie banged on the door. "Elena, answer me please!" Nothing. "Goddammit Elena, open the fucking door!" Bonnie screeched as Damon returned with the toolbox, gently nudging Bonnie to the side as he got to work on the door. He could see tears in the girls eyes but he could let himself think about the inevitable. What was going on on the other side of this door? What had his girlfriend done? He loved her too much for this. Wait, he _loved_ her? He had no idea when this had happened but of course he fucking did and he was going to tell her as soon as he got to the other side of the door. She was the most wonderful thing that had waltzed into his life and he needed to make sure she knew that.


	14. Hell If I Know

**A/N: Wow, thank you for your support on the last chapter. I know it was very dark, but we need to get through the storm before we get to the sunshine and fluffy clouds. This chapter is very Damon heavy as he works through a lot of things so I hope you don't mind that. Things should start moving along in the next chapter as we start learning more about Elena's past but for now, enjoy Damon and his poor brain. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

 **14:** _ **Hell If I Know**_

Sirens.

Flashing lights.

Everything was a blur.

When Damon had finally broken the door down, Bonnie had immediately phoned an ambulance. What was worse was that this was not the first time she had to do this. She did what she had to do. But Damon, he could not erase the images from his mind. Even when Elena was in hospital and she was fine, the sight of her lying there helpless on his bathroom floor was ingrained in his mind. And he didn't think it could ever be erased. He loved her, but he couldn't let her continue on this self destructive path she was on, whether she was conscious of it or not.

Almost a week later, Elena still felt numb. Nothing. She had been stitched, had her stomach pumped before the lethal dose of tablets fully entered her floodstream and had barely said a word. Damon was lost. He didn't know what to do. She had refused help from the mental health team. She had refused to eat. She had refused to speak anything more than yes or no. This was her lowest and she couldn't see a way back from this.

"Elena." Damon spoke, standing there in her room as she sat on her bed staring into the nothingness. She didn't respond. She hadn't said anything when Bonnie had to return to Chicago, just as she hadn't said anything to Damon when he checked in on her every day. The plate of food he had prepared for her was still on the side, cold and untouched. He was at a loss. He was way out of his depth and didn't know what to do anymore.

Damon placed a kiss on Elena's forehead before he left her apartment to return back to his. As soon as he was outside, he let out an exasperated breath, running his hands through his dark hair. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a phone and dialed a number, putting the phone to his ear.

"Hey, are you free?" He spoke into the device. "Okay, meet me at the bar by campus in fifteen?" He hung up, slipping the phone back into his pocket and began the short walk a few blocks away to the bar.

"I'm sorry I called you, but I don't know what to do." Damon spoke, taking a long swig of bourbon.

Alaric took a sip of his own drink, offering Damon a comforting smile. "It's tough, especially since Elena doesn't really have anyone. Except you of course. I went through something similar with my daughter. She was incredibly depressed and even tried to take her own life." Alaric took another long swig of amber liquid before he could continue. "She was eventually diagnosed as bipolar. I'm not a doctor but I wouldn't be surprised if Elena doesn't have some form of undiagnosed mental disorder."

"I can't get her to see anyone though. I know it's ultimately her choice, but she's hurting herself and everyone around her and I don't know how much longer I can try to help her. I _want_ to help her, hell I even promised her best friend I would, but I don't know _how_ I can." Damon replied, frustration overwhelming him as a single tear rolled down his cheek which he quickly wiped away, following with the rest of his bourbon.

"Without her cooperation, it's difficult. I understand that. With Lizzie it was a little easier. She was a minor, so her mother and I admitted her for treatment. It was horrible but at the same time, it was the best thing we could have done for her. Elena is over eighteen and has no family that can do that for her. She has to be willing to get the help she needs. Even if it is only seeing the school counselor."

Damon snorted at the last sentence. "Yeah, she was not happy about that, Ric."

"I thought as much. I only wanted to help, but I may have overstepped my mark." He sighed, signalling the bartender to refill their glasses.

"Just a bit." Damon gave a slight chuckle. He took a swig from his freshly filled glass and placed it back on the bar, running his hand over his face.

"I have an idea that could work. It's not exactly the greatest plan, but it might help. "Of course Elena has been excused from class this past week due to her hospital admission, but if she continues to not attend or lets her grades slip, she could lose her scholarship. Unless she sees a professional. I don't know how much school means to her, but if she wants to stay, she might seek help. It's a long shot but it's all I got." Ric sighed. "I'm sorry I'm not any better at this."

"You're better than me." Damon shrugged. "I don't want her to think I'm blackmailing her, but I can work up how I can bring up the subject. Or at least get her to talk." He said the last part more to himself.

He missed the Elena he knew. Or _thought_ he knew. This empty shell was not her, he knew that much. If only he knew at least _some_ of what was causing her this torment. Then he might know how to start helping her. He could easily turn his back and forget about her, but his conscience wouldn't allow it.

It was now Sunday. Damon should have been at home working on his assignments that were due the following week, but instead he was back at Elena's apartment in another probably failed attempt in getting some sort of response from her. After being let in the apartment by Rebekah who confirmed his suspicions that she hadn't left her room, he knocked softly on her door before entering. As he had every day before, she found her curled up in bed, staring blankly at the wall. Perching himself on the edge of the bed, he used his fingers to sweep her hair out of her face, letting out a gentle sigh.

"You have class tomorrow. Are you going to go?" He asked her, slowly stroking her hair.

She shook her head.

"Lena, what about your scholarship? You're so talented, it would be a shame to waste it." He took the shot and bit the bullet. He felt like he was starting to lose her, so now was as good of a time as any.

"I must have been delusional if I thought I could make it through four years of college." Elena said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Damon let out a breath. "Elena, you _can_. You just have to want it. With the right support, you can do anything."

"I don't want help. They'll just fill me full of drugs until I'm numb again and I'll be sent on my way. That's why I stopped taking them. I just wanted to _feel,_ Damon." She couldn't pinpoint exactly when she had stopped taking her tablets, but it was shortly after her move to New York. They clouded her mind and without them she felt freer, almost invisible.

Damon just nodded. Things were beginning to make some sort of sense. Elena had been on medication and she had stopped taking it, assumingly without a doctor's supervision. Damon stood up and took a breath before he was about to say something he may regret.

"Elena, if you don't get some sort of help, I am going to walk out of that door and I won't come back." He stood, looking her directly in those beautiful brown eyes that now looked so lifeless. "If you can't promise me you will try, I'm done. I can't keep doing this anymore, it's hurting me more than you know."

Elena blinked and opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, without a word passing her lips. She turned around, now facing away from Damon. He took this as an answer and reached for the door handle, opened the door and walked out. "Fuck!" He cursed in the living room, ready to leave the apartment altogether and not look back. This is not how he thought this would go. At all.

"Damon?" He heard a voice say.

He turned around and was greeted with Rebekah. "Damn, I thought I was alone." He laughed emotionlessly.

"Everything okay?" She asked, even though it was clear it wasn't.

"No." Damon breathed, his head dropping into his hands. "I can't get through to her and I told her I'm done trying." He let out an exasperated sigh and lifted his head. "I'm not done trying, but I don't know _what_ I can do. I can't get through to her. Rebekah, I'm not cut out for this."

"Well, how about you give her some space and I will check in with you with updates. If things get bad, I'll call you. How does that sound?" The blonde suggested with a hopeful smile.

Damon nodded. "Thanks, I appreciate that. This isn't what I want to do, but I guess I should try it. I'm running out of options here and I guess that is the only thing that I have left to try."

"I promise you, I will keep a close eye on her. I know me and her aren't close, but I couldn't bear if anything happened to her on my watch. I'll do my best Damon, but you look like hell. Shouldn't you go and get some rest?"

"Gee thanks, Bekah." As blunt as it was, she was right. He needed to sleep. And he knew Elena wasn't completely alone, so that at least eased his mind a little. Maybe heading home and taking a step back for a little while at least, was a good idea.


	15. Back To Life

**A/N: Hello my lovelies! Thank you so much for the reviews, favourites and follows since I posted the last chapter! You really have motivated me to get this out as quick as my brain would allow me. I really like this chapter, so I hope you all do too. Lots of character development and some unlikely bonding. As always, please leave me a review and let me know what you thought. I am thankful for every one of you reading my story. Much love!**

 **TW: Drugs (cannabis, I don't know if that really counts, I guess it depends where you live but I'll leave this here anyway)**

 **15:** _ **Back To Life**_

Elena hadn't heard a peep from Damon since the day he walked out of her room. And in a way she was relieved. She was getting in way too deep and he was starting to find out more about her past than she was willing to share with anyone. She wished for that part of her to stay buried and needed it to stay that way. Since the day she met him, her life had begun to spiral out of control again and she couldn't help but wonder if he was the reason. The closer she had let him get, the more her control was starting to unravel and without her control, she was a mess.

It took her two weeks of laying motionless in bed, completely trapped in her own head before she was able to step out of the house again. She was half expecting Damon to walk in the following day after he had left, but he didn't. Nor did he any other day that had followed. But that still hadn't woken her up. She didn't even reach awareness when she passed out in the shower because she hadn't eaten in days and Rebekah had to bust the lock to help her. The only thing that snapped her back into reality was the letter she received, threatening to revoke her scholarship and subsequently kick her out of her apartment if she didn't attend class and improve her grade. If she lost her scholarship, she would have to leave school and she would be homeless. That thought was scarier than anything in her own head. So she decided to attempt to sort her life out.

After forging a letter from a therapist, she had returned to class and had her absences authorised, reverting back to her original plan of school, homework and nothing else. She didn't leave her bedroom unless she had to for class and returned as soon as it was finished, turning in her assignments on time, making the quality of work good enough to keep her grade just above the limit of her scholarship requirements. It had been a little over three weeks since the incident and despite attempting to return to a somewhat normal routine, the numb empty feeling she had felt many times before was still very much present. And no matter how hard she threw herself into her assignments, it didn't go away. Writing was near impossible when her heart wasn't in it.

As she lay in bed that night, after hour two of attempting to fall asleep passed, she sighed and grabbed her phone. Her finger hovered over Damon's contact, hesitating for a moment before she decided against calling him. He had walked out of her life and she had let him, setting him free from the burdens that she carried. He clearly didn't want anything to do with her, or he would have called. But that was fine. Instead, she opened facebook onto his profile and scrolled through his page. There were a few posts about gig dates and some photos from a party. Clearly he was fine and had moved on from her. But that was okay, it was what she wanted, right?

Then her finger moved, clicking on the search bar. Something she had done far too many times over the years, to no avail. She typed several variations of 'Katherine Gilbert' and 'Kat Gilbert' but her search always came up blank. Those profiles didn't look anything like herself, therefore they couldn't be her sister. She didn't know why she continued with this torture. Of course Katherines name could have been changed when she was adopted and she had no idea what it could possibly be. And it was the same for Jeremy. Nothing, nada, zilch. As a child she had begged and begged to see her siblings when they had been placed for adoption and she had been left in the foster home but nothing ever came of it, leaving a young Elena Gilbert feeling worthless and unwanted. No child should ever have to feel like that, but it was a feeling that had stayed with her all her life. Even now as she lay alone in her bedroom in a busy city with no much noise, she had never felt more alone.

Something that had caught her attention however, was that there hadn't been a single party in the apartment in three weeks. Which was odd. There had been some sort of gathering at least once a week since she had moved in, so a three week absence of thudding music and drunk college students was unusual. It was almost as if she had become accustomed to the noise disturbance as she endeavored to sleep at night creating a white noise and muffling the noise in her head. Without it her mind was screaming at her and sleep didn't come easily. Not that it ever did, unless she had been wrapped up in Damon's arms, but she could hardly rely on another person for the ability to sleep.

Realising it was gone 2am and sleep wasn't coming anytime soon, she admitted defeat and swung her legs out of bed, heading towards the quiet living room with the intent of standing on the balcony for a bit, to get some fresh air. What she didn't expect was to find Rebekah there sitting on the couch in the dimly lit room, her face illuminated by her phone.

"Hey Elena." The blonde spoke, looking up when she noticed the brunette's presence in the room. "What are you doing up at this time?"

Elena wrapped her comforter tighter around her shoulders. "Hey." She answered quietly, taking a few steps forward and sitting on the opposite end of the couch to Rebekah. "Couldn't sleep, what about you?"

"Same. Although it may have something to do with the extra strong coffee I chugged to get through an assignment due tomorrow." She chuckled. The assignment was done but she was still wide awake.

Elena laughed softly. "Can I ask you something?" She bit her lip, wondering how much information to disclose, but needed her help.

"Of course." She placed her phone down between her legs, giving Elena her undivided attention.

"Do you know how I could find someone?" She asked, realising she might have to elaborate when she was met with a face of confusion. Rebekah knew nothing about her really, so she would have to give her a rough backstory. "I've got two siblings, except I don't know where they are. I want to try and find my sister, but I don't even know if her name is the same anymore. I've exhausted all of the free search engines and I don't have the sort of money to hire someone to do the groundwork. So I was wondering if you might have any ideas."

Rebekah pondered for a moment. "She was adopted, right?" She knew Elena didn't have any family, but was clueless with the rest of her history. Elena wasn't the type of person to reveal too much of herself.

Elena nodded. "About eleven years ago. Although I have no idea how to get into adoption records."

"Matt is pretty good with computers. I could ask him to see if he could get into state adoption records, if you want me to ask him?"

Elena thought about this. Looking for her sister wasn't something she wanted everyone to know about. It was part of her private life that she wished to remain private. But this was something she couldn't do on her own. "I guess so. But this is not something I want people to know about." She warned.

"Okay. I'll speak to him tomorrow and see if he can help." She proposed and Elena smiled. A moment of silence passed before the blonde spoke again. "Is that the last time you saw your family? Eleven years ago?"

Elena looked down, her chestnut hair shielding her face and nodded slowly. "Yeah."

With that, Rebekah pulled the brunette into a hug. The two never had a great start, but Rebekah was realising that she had completely misunderstood this girl. She couldn't imagine not having a family, coming from a large one herself. Her four brothers annoyed the hell out of her growing up, but she couldn't imagine a life without them.

At first Elena stiffened when the other girl pulled her in for a hug, but she relaxed after a minute, just enjoying the feeling of being held. And then the barriers broke and a tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another until she was silently crying into Rebekah's shoulder. The blonde didn't say anything, she just continued to hold Elena, unable to even imagine what this poor girl had been through in her short life.

Many minutes passed, she had no idea exactly how long but the brunette in her arms had gone quiet. "You still awake?" Rebekah asked softly. Elena gave a slight nod. "Good, I was worried you had fallen asleep on me."

Elena lifted her head, cracking a small smile. "Nope, still here."

It was strange to think that the two had literally hated each other to begin with, their personalities clashing in abundance. But over the last week or two, they had shared many a conversation and Elena had grown to learn that Rebekah had a heart of gold and would do almost anything for someone, even if that thing was breaking a bathroom door open when she heard a crash followed by silence and pulling her naked unconscious self out the shower so she wouldn't drown. She had then made Elena something to eat when she came around, sitting with her and simply chatting about nothing until she had finally had a substantial meal. It was then that Elena realised that Rebekah too, was misunderstood. Everyone viewed her as a party girl, but that was only a small part of her.

"Right," Rebekah perked up and Elena shifted so the blonde could move, "you can judge me all you like, but I'm going to smoke a joint to try and send me to sleep, which I need if I am ever going to make that 9am writing class. Remind me why I changed my major." She chuckled, reaching for a box which presumably contained her smoking materials. "You're welcome to join me if you want."

That was another thing, her roommate had changed her major recently, which now meant the two of them shared a few classes. She was considering a career in journalism, which meant she needed to switch a few of her classes around. Elena still hadn't fully confirmed her major; all she knew was that she wanted to take the writing direction. The area of speciality was still up in the air, but she still had time to make her mind up. She was only a freshman after all.

As Elena watched Rebekah twist her grinder as she prepared her joint and contemplated the offer. She had smoked before and the idea of it helping her succumb to sleep was welcoming. "Okay then."

Rebekah looked up at her, a mix of shock and amusement on her face. "What? Elena Gilbert wants to get high with me?" She teased.

Elena slapped her arm playfully, aware of the irony. She had complained and judged the blonde multiple times for smoking and now she was joining her. Drugs had been very much present in her past which she had tried to move past, but this was only weed. And a haze induced sleep was very much welcome right now. "No need to act so shocked, Bex."

"I'm not shocked, I'm proud." She stuck her tongue out playfully, pulling out a paper and lining it with tobacco before dusting a healthy amount of the ground weed on top and rolling it perfectly. She grabbed a lighter from the coffee table, standing up and offering a hand out to Elena. "Come on then." The blonde said, pulling her new smoking buddy up.

They stepped out onto the balcony, feeling the cool night air circle around them as Elena looked out to the brightly lit New York skyline while Rebekah lit the joint. Elena wrapped her blanket tighter around herself to shield her body from the chill, glad she had brought it out with her. After Rebekah had taken a few draws, she passed the joint to Elena which she took, lifting it to her lips and taking a drag. The first was pretty harsh, making her cough a little, which only made the blonde giggle. The next few were far more tolerable and she started to feel the effects, encasing her in a warm bubble of tranquility as she felt her body start to relax. She passed it back to the blonde, following suit with Rebekah as she took a seat on the floor.

"How are you feeling?" Rebekah asked her, raising an eyebrow.

Elena just smiled. "Better."

"Want some more?" She asked, offering the joint back to her.

Elena took it, taking a draw, breathing smoke into the night air. This was the most relaxed she had felt in the longest time and she was starting to feel glad she had accepted Rebekah's offer. "Thanks for tonight." She turned her head towards the blonde smiling.

"No problem." She smiled back at the brunette, realising she was now buzzed enough to counteract the effects of the coffee and might actually now get some sleep. "You can toss that when you're done." She told Elena, climbing off the floor. "Do you want some water?"

Elena nodded, her mouth starting to feel pretty dry. She took a few more drags before stubbing the joint out in the ashtray that the blonde kept on the balcony. "Yes please." She slowly stood up, struggling a little, using the balcony railing as a support before following Rebekah into the kitchen where she was handed a glass of water.

"Right I'm heading to bed. Sleep well, sweetheart." Rebekah pecked her cheek before heading off into her own bedroom.

Elena decided that she should probably do the same, starting to feel her own eyes drooping. She took several gulps of water and refilled the glass, heading to bed herself. She climbed into bed, pulling her sheets around herself, snuggling her head into her pillow. She couldn't ever remember her bed feeling this comfortable, feeling as if she were floating on clouds as her mind finally quietened and relaxed, allowing the brunette to finally drift off to sleep.


End file.
